“Husband is not a gynecologist”: how to return sex after childbirth
The first five or six months after childbirth is the most responsible and difficult time for new parents. They may not want to have sex at all. And if it does occur, it can be difficult to put it into practice. In an interview with Rambler, Anastasia Filippova, a psychotherapist, sexologist, author of the course “Self-Esteem of a Woman," explained why changes occur in the intimate sphere after childbirth, and how to solve this problem.
Fatigue and more
After giving birth, the young family is completely immersed in caring for the child. Sometimes, due to fatigue, a husband or wife does not have thoughts about sex at all. Or they sometimes use the time when the baby is sleeping to quickly enjoy each other. The level of libido of the spouses largely depends on how much each of them is immersed in the process of caring for the newborn. Separation of duties will help you get used to the fact that you have to combine the roles of both parents and sexual partners.
Hormones and libido
For many women, due to hormonal changes after childbirth, the desire to have sex disappears altogether. The level of oxytocin increases, which strengthens the bond between mother and child. A woman feels an increased attachment to the baby, because of which the man ceases to be the center of attention for her. As a result, along with a feeling of happiness and fullness of life, the husband experiences guilt and a feeling that he is superfluous in the house. This becomes an obstacle to intimate relationships. True, the reverse situation also happens. If a mother breastfeeds her baby, the amount of hormones that increase the level of libido in her body increases. If this happens, it is important not to hush up the problem and talk frankly with your husband about your and his desires.
Why does a man not want sex?
Many believe that the level of sexual arousal after the birth of the baby decreases in the mother. But the pope has no less reason to refuse intimate life. Why does this happen? After giving birth, a woman’s appearance changes. Sometimes she herself seems unattractive. Plunging into everyday life, a young mother forgets about taking care of herself. Cosmetics, stilettos, hairstyles are a thing of the past for many. A woman ceases to be an attractive lover for her husband, and interest in intimate pleasures is weakening. One of the reasons for male coldness can be attributed to the woman’s enlarged vagina. The effect of a tight entry disappears, which prevents a man from enjoying intimacy. Over time, the muscles of the vagina contract, and it returns its "orgasmic" functions. But it would be better to do intimate gymnastics, to increase your libido and give yourself and your spouse more joy from sex. An obstacle to an active sex life can also be the presence of a man at childbirth. Now it is in trend. But do not forget that the husband is not a gynecologist. Practice shows that most representatives of the stronger sex then get rid of psychological trauma for a long time. And if a woman treats the process of childbirth as a temporary necessity, then for a man this is a shock!
How to bring sex back into everyday life
If after giving birth one or both spouses have lost the desire to have sex, the worst thing is to remain silent about the problem. You can’t turn your back to the wall and pretend that you are sleeping, just because you don’t want intimacy. You need to jointly review the relationship and direct them in a new direction. If earlier the need to have sex arose spontaneously, now intimate life will have to be built on a schedule. Sometimes such drastic changes meet internal resistance. But over time, they get used to them. Do not hush up the problem: talk to your husband. It is important to come to a decision that suits both, to find out why the desire to enjoy each other suddenly faded. Frank conversations will clarify a lot in relationships, and you will be able to build an intimate life in a new way.