Praise as an inspirer for great things. What is the right way to praise people?

Content

6 praise strategies

There are six strategies for building the power of praise that work in companies, communities, and families.

STRATEGY # 1: Stop comparing.

The worst praise you can get after a performance is, “You performed the best today.” What's wrong with it, you ask. Well, first of all, it discounts everyone else's performances. She also reminds me that I won't always be the best performer, so I feel awkward. Instead of being encouraging, this kind of appraisal is unbalanced.

After all, you are actually comparing, not praising.

You are trying to lift someone up in the eyes of others by shoving others down! True praise is to tell a person: “You made an amazing goal” or “You made a joke on time and to the right place,” without saying a word that the goal or joke was better than others. When you tell someone that he is “better” than someone else, by definition it means that there is someone third who is “worse” than the second and the first.

If you want to inspire others, don't compare them to anyone else. In truth, this is the hardest lesson. It doesn't matter what good intentions drive you when you say to a colleague or child, “You were the best there!”, But by doing this you show that your admiration depends on his results against the background of others. Nothing kills potential like praise through comparison. Although it is the most common.

STRATEGY # 2: Focus on the good.

The 19th century British poet and playwright Oscar Wilde wrote: “When people stop saying it's charming, they stop thinking it's charming.” This is the perfect way to describe the neurobiological process that is the basis for the Good Focus strategy. Our brain focuses on what we say and do.

If you're not looking for something to praise for, your brain won't notice.

Likewise, what we focus on dictates to our brain, “This must be repeated.” Just as praise focuses our brain on positive behavior, criticism switches it to negative. If what we focus on is repeating itself, why do we pay so much attention to the bad rather than the good?

For the same reason, most achievement assessment technologies actually reduce results. Too often, the counselor first identifies the weaknesses of the ward that need to be improved, and only then pays attention to his positive aspects. In this case, the ward's brain tells him that the counselor is not interested in strengths, but only in his weaknesses; not his personal growth, but his shortcomings. Therefore, he understands that his positive behavior does not matter.

This does not mean that counselors should not give honest feedback or point out areas of development and growth. We need to be realistic about weaknesses and challenges to overcome. But we must also be aware that improving our weaknesses and deficiencies does not require ignoring them, but intelligence, strength and energy. Praise provides access to these resources. It is she who is the fuel for our development and growth.

STRATEGY # 3: Praise the base.

We spend so much time and energy praising high performing individuals that we ignore the collective spirit of the team. When we celebrate a victory, we also need to acknowledge the “assisting” players who made it possible. This does not mean stopping praising the guys who have achieved the best results, or only praising those who have achieved little.

More light needs to be shed on the player who made the assist, not just the winning goal.

The latter is already adored by the crowd of fans and is overwhelmed with adrenaline. Therefore, we need to make sure that we reward those who make less visible but equally valuable contributions to team success. Constantly aim the light at the base and it will bounce both up and down, so that the top will shine even brighter.

STRATEGY # 4: Democratize praise.

A good counselor praises the guys who made them successful. A great leader doesn't just praise, but rather turns other people into praise providers. In times when many feel overwhelmed and undervalued, how can you transform inertia into praise? Think of a prism: many surfaces are needed to refract and reflect light. The same is true in our summer camps.

It is necessary to create a culture in which everyone, regardless of their position, can radiate praise without waiting to be brought down from above. In other words, we need to democratize praise. Think of it as a linking of two paths to great potential: we must spread our power to empower others.

We need to turn the guys into providers, not praise curmudgeons.

If the child received more approval during the shift, then he praised his peers with a double frequency. Those who are praised more than four times become praise providers. This creates a virtuous cycle in which the collective appreciation of merit is continually multiplied.

STRATEGY # 5: Use hidden 31.

So, if we want to create a virtuous cycle of praise, we need to find a way to turn other people into its providers. For this it is necessary to activate a special layer of initially positive people. In a cross-sectoral study, it was found that 31% of those surveyed answered that they are “positive, but do not show it in life.” These people are called the “hidden 31%” and are considered key to trigger the chain reaction of praise. These people are one step away from becoming champions of positive at work.

They are already optimists; all that remains is to inspire them.

Who is more influential in the overall mood of the ecosystem – positive or negative people? The one who more actively expresses his mental attitude, positive or negative, is more influential. The problem is that in most systems there is this huge layer – 31% – of enthusiastic and positive people who do not show themselves in any way. This means that the social scenario is “written” by those who voice their discontent. Therefore, the main thing is to bring this hidden 31% out of the shadow.

STRATEGY # 6: Praise results rather than results.

When we try to cheer someone up, we too often focus on past results and successes. And praise can be fuel for the future as well, as it helps to believe in our potential. In other words, we need to praise not only past achievements, but also those that we strive to achieve.

Assign qualities to people that are harbingers of their future potential.

For example: “You would be a great counselor, because you care so much about the children in charge.” Or: “You would be very useful to the team, you look so strong and athletic.” Such praise is especially effective if it is true, but even if it is not, it still ends up adding new qualities to their piggy bank, thereby strengthening those that will help them become more effective.

Ways of expressing kindness and sympathy

Sympathy is not a manifestation of an assessment, but of positive feelings for a partner, a kind attitude towards him. An important feature of sympathy is that the partner is ready to accept the very fact of the existence of positive feelings towards him, regardless of what ego state he is in.

Sympathy can be expressed in a variety of ways. Among them are good deeds, kind words and good feelings:

• We convey good feelings mainly by non-verbal means, and among them a special role is played by a smile, a look and a touch.
• Speaking about good deeds, it is important to note that an act becomes kind not when it is caused by good intentions, but when it is perceived as kind by the one to whom it is intended. Variants of good deeds defy enumeration and algorithmization.
• Kind, pleasant words are called a compliment. The ability to evaluate someone's work, to recognize its usefulness and irreplaceability, to emphasize a person's achievements, to say pleasant words creates conditions for effective interaction.

Many people admit that it is easier for them to do something for a person, to give him something or provide a service, than to say something pleasant to him. However, expressing an unconditionally positive attitude through compliments is a useful and vital skill:

1. Praising our wards, we help them feel significant in the eyes of others, we create a friendly atmosphere of contact. By paying a compliment to them, we build good relationships.
2. When we compliment other people, we do something pleasant for them and at the same time help ourselves. Mark Twain once said, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up.” By causing your partner to smile or pleasantly surprise in your own words, you are distracted from your own problems and correct your mood.
3. The more you compliment people, the more nice words come back to you.

Let's dwell on compliments and ways of expressing them. It is possible to construct a complete compliment using the constructive approval model. Here, those aspects are noted that positively characterize the partner, indicate his positive personality traits, talents, abilities, etc. In other words, if constructive approval is recognition of the value of actions, then a compliment is recognition of the value of an individual.

• Step 1. Express a positive attitude towards your partner.
• Step 2. Specify what you liked exactly, mark the small details.
• Step 3. Give reasons for your approval. For example, say “because” and explain how good what you have noticed.
• Step 4. Make a conclusion about personality, spiritual qualities.

1. Positive attitude. “I like about you (you) …” or “I like the way you (you) …”
2. Concretization. A compliment requires specificity in the statement. Each person seeks to hear something specific about himself, because it is the concreteness of a compliment that allows a person to feel its truthfulness and sincerity. Not just, “You look great,” but “You look great in this T-shirt. And … it suits you very much. ” Pay more attention to subtle details or qualities.
3. Argumentation. In some cases, especially if there is a possibility that he will be “filtered”, one can argue for his positive impressions. For example, using the words “because …”. “I like that you are a very attentive person, because you always find time for some pleasant little things that give everyone special joy.”
4. Emphasis on spiritual qualities. Expressing admiration for external qualities, we make less impression than if we notice hidden psychological traits.

Conditions for expressing a full compliment

A compliment is complete and satisfying if a number of conditions are met.

1. Compliance with reality. The noted positive quality must correspond to reality, that is, it must be justified. Since the quality attributed to the partner is only the opinion of the speaker, it cannot be absolutely objective. Nevertheless, in order for a subjective opinion to be perceived as true, it must be reasoned. Insincere compliments that are blatantly exaggerated are called flattery, or synthetic strokes.
2. Compliance with the partner's opinion… Each person has their preferred stroking level, as well as their preferred theme and shape. All strokes outside this range are filtered out. If the compliment is not in line with what the partner values ​​in himself, it is likely to be “filtered out”. For example, a girl who wants to look feminine and attractive may not take comments about her courage and strength as a compliment. A guy who knows himself to be cute, funny and not able to think is likely to filter out the compliment: “I am delighted with the clarity of your thoughts …”. The level of quality expressed in the compliment should not sharply go beyond the range due to self-perception. A person who considers himself an advanced computer user will not take the expression “kettle” as a compliment, nor the expression “computer genius”. However, if a compliment corresponding to self-perception is heard often, then it is likely to be perceived as commonplace due to its familiarity. Stroking will be more valuable if the level of expression of the described quality will slightly exceed this level in the person's self-perception.
3. Competence. As with using approval for reinforcement, a compliment is accepted by a person when he considers the evaluator to be competent and trustworthy.
4. No double meaning (double transactions). Double meaning should be avoided in a compliment. The compliment should reflect the exclusively positive qualities of the person. “A lovely blouse! It suits you very much! Probably, you bought it in second hand? ” Such compliments are called thorn strokes.
5. Lack of criticism. There is no need to spoil the impression of a compliment with subsequent criticism: “Your hands are really golden. But your tongue is your enemy! ” or “I love your amazing ability to win over everyone. But you don't know how to choose your friends “.
6. Lack of teachings. This rule is that a compliment should state the presence of this characteristic, and not contain recommendations or practical advice for improving it: “I liked how quickly you did everything. Now you need … “.

1 Positive feedback about someone, something, expressed approval of someone, something

2 Reward praise inspires great things. Praise has changed the lives of many people. Praise gets you where you want to go.
Psychologist
Influence on the formation of character, normal psychological qualities of a child can, of course, not only with the help of punishment. The effectiveness of punishments will be higher if they are applied rarely and against the background of rewards. Parents often focus on correcting weaknesses and imperfections in the child's behavior. It is much more pleasant and effective for both children and parents to educate with the help of manifestations of positive emotions and rewards. And prohibitions, remarks and punishments should be extreme measures.
Some parents deliberately do not notice the successes and merits of the child, fearing to spoil him with praise. But in the process of upbringing, both punishment and reward are important, although adults often do not see a reason for praising a child. If he behaves well or has learned something new, it is usually perceived as something natural, not requiring reward. In addition, it is believed that parents do not need special knowledge and skills to praise a child. But it's not always the case. For what and how should a child be praised?

Consider individuality!

The choice of the method of reward depends on the capabilities, age range and individual qualities of a particular child. In this case, it is necessary to objectively take into account his mental personality, type of nervous system, temperament and already acquired personality traits. What are the main types of personalities and what forms of encouragement will be most acceptable for them?
First typerepresents indecisive and fearful children. They are more willing to act not alone, on their own, but under the guidance of adults or a more confident, skillful child. Children of this type tend to worry even for minor reasons, worry about whether they will cope with the assigned task. After successfully completing some work, they try to notice that others would do it better. These children try to choose an easier job for fear of failure, and often need guidance.
Such children simply need to be praised and encouraged. Their achievements, even insignificant ones, cannot be ignored. This will instill in them a sense of self-confidence. But at the same time, it is necessary to take into account the capabilities of the child so as not to overwork him with frequent demands. Even anticipatory praise can be applied to these children to build confidence in the assignment.
Children of the second typeaccurate and responsible to the point of pedantry. They want to complete any business with the maximum possible result, mistakes are not permissible for them, and if this happens, this is a reason for deep feelings. Such children try to choose the most difficult tasks and rarely admit to themselves that they are not able to cope with them. A child of this type will demand the achievement of high results not only from himself, but also from others. He can spend a lot of effort and effort to thoroughly complete any job. However, he is not always able to separate the main from the secondary, therefore, he often does not achieve the results that were planned.
Such children should also be praised more, but not only when they achieve improved results. Praise for them will be more useful throughout the work, to help them understand the main meaning of the case, its depth. It is necessary to encourage and praise even when something failed, but attempts were made, efforts were made to complete the task. Advance praise should not be applied to such children; it should be encouraged only for a concretely perfect deed.
Third type– children who are confident in themselves. They do a lot without much difficulty. Others will need more strength and effort to achieve the same results. When encouraging these children, you need to fear that self-confidence can develop into self-confidence, a constant need for success. Long and focused efforts can be burdensome for the child. In addition, the achievements of others, not so significant, he can devalue, treat them with irony and even contempt. If you notice that this behavior is typical of your child, praise him only for what was the result of serious effort, and especially for helping other children. Try to encourage any attempt to celebrate someone else's success.

• A good deed praises itself.
• You can't sew a fur coat out of praise.
• Better clever blasphemy than stupid praise.
• Any other praise is worth scolding.
• Praise in the face is worse than a slap in the face.
• In the vaunted cabbage, there are a lot of rotten bumps.
• Do not praise in the eyes, do not defend the eyes.
• Today I will conquer, and tomorrow I will praise.
• Praise in the eyes is worse than corruption.
• Praise to a fellow is a ruin.
• Praise the fool, but he is glad.
• The word of praise is rotten.
• Praise to sell, but blasphemy to buy.
• It is sinful to blaspheme, but there is nothing to praise.
• Praises do not feed, do not warm.
• The immense praise of honor hurts.
• The vaunted cabbage contains a lot of rotten cabbage.
• Praise the day towards evening, and life is near death.
• Do not boast in silver – boast in goodness.
• He boasted, boasted, but from lies and fell down.
• The forest praised the wolf, which deftly twirls its tail.
• What you do not know how to praise, that and do not blaspheme.
• Praise the slide as you roll over.
• Every gentleman praises his mercy.
• Do not boast about your parents, but boast about your virtues.
• You can't sew a fur coat out of praise.
• Salt – don't over-salt, praise – don't over-praise.
• For a military cause boldly await praise.
• The fighter is not praised for the freshness of his face.
• A good deed praises itself.
• Do not praise yourself, let the people praise you.
• Praise the day before sunset.
• Praise the other side to your friend, but not your foot.
• Praise the rye in the stack, and the master in the coffin.
• Praise the dream if it comes true.
• Praise the morning in the evening.
• To praise – not to hire, to blaspheme – not to appease.
• Praise and honor and glory – and the fool loves.
• Praising a friend's bride, but he himself is in place.
• They praise me like this: the mind is coming, they blaspheme me, so the mind is decreasing.
• They praise the silk on the girl, if the girl is good at it.
• There is always praise for good deeds.
• The praise turned my head spinning.
• Praise – do not be proud, teach – do not be angry.
• Praise is the first corruption.
• Praise in the eyes is worse than corruption.
• Beware of the vaunted more than the hayan.
• Praise, not pay.
• An unappreciated girl is more expensive than a vaunted one.
• Don't praise yourself, but try to get others to praise you.
• Better a clever rebuke than bad praise. (litas)
• Foolish praise spoils. (balkar)
• Hula kills, praise elevates. (Kirg)
• Better a clever rebuke than bad praise. (ukr)
• Praise supports, bad feedback kills. (Kirg)
• There is nothing to praise the bad for, there is nothing to find fault with the good. (muzzle)
• For a good deed they praise, for a bad one – hayut. (muzzle)
• If you do not know a person enough, then do not praise him or condemn him. (abkhaz)
• Do not praise the beauty of the horseman, praise his deeds. (Kazakh)
• Praising yourself is like death. (Kazakh)
• It is good to scold when teaching, to praise – to the point. (muzzle)
• What cannot be praised is not praised. (muzzle)
• Everyone loves praise. (muzzle)
• Rather than hearing the praise of a foolish person, it is better to listen to the blasphemy of a clever one. (head)
• Wade is praised after they cross. (cargo)
• Praise in vain – you spoil the person. (mariysk)
• Do not blaspheme what you have done, do not praise what you do. (muzzle)
• Do not praise in the eyes, and do not measles for the eyes. (Chuvash)
• The clever does not praise himself. (muzzle)
• Do not rush to praise yourself, wait for others to praise. (Karelian)
• If you are praised, then you are not boasting. (belor)
• Let the lightning strike the one who praises himself. (belor)
• The proud one praises the horse, the arrogant one praises himself. (Tuvinsk)
• Do not praise yourself with your tongue, but praise your deeds. (muzzle)

Praise for the effort

Any effort made by a child, an attempt to achieve a goal must be noted and encouraged. It doesn't matter what results he came to, the main thing is to note the diligence, the right moral deed, since for some children, achieving even low results requires a lot of effort. It is impossible to leave this without a positive assessment. The fact that you have appreciated, however small, the child's achievement will bring him a feeling of success, joy, satisfaction from the work done, which will already be a reward.
Unfortunately, parents do not always use incentives correctly, they act according to the logic of natural consequences: take away toys – here's a chocolate bar, get an “five” – ​​get money for entertainment and sweets. As a result, the child will become accustomed to doing some kind of work or strive to achieve a goal only if this is followed by a reward. But such a reward may not always be at hand, and the unspoken rules established between you and your child will require it.
As a reward, the child cannot be relieved of doing housework, otherwise he will perceive any work as something unpleasant and will be deprived of the joy of a job well done. He should not think that the end result is more important than the means of achieving it. Otherwise, external encouragement will be more important than a feeling of internal satisfaction, receiving a reward is more important than joy from the process of overcoming difficulties.
How can you praise a child so that he does not enjoy the reward for the work done, but the very process of doing it?
It is necessary to emphasize, enhance his joy from overcoming difficulties, this will inspire him, instill confidence in his strengths and abilities, and cause a desire to achieve new results. How can a child be encouraged, if not with gifts and relief from unpleasant responsibilities? As a reward, you can entrust him with the fulfillment of an honorable duty. For example, watering flowers or washing not very dirty dishes.
For the child, this will be a serious game, a responsible assignment, which is usually carried out by adults, but has now been entrusted to the child. He will certainly try to justify this trust in order to feel “like big”.
Over time, these assignments can be replaced with others, more complex ones, which the children will be happy to carry out, if you led them to this correctly, that is. they saw in the appointment of additional duties not a measure of punishment, but a measure of privileged encouragement, for example, they allowed the child to use household appliances (vacuum cleaner, tape recorder, etc.).
It is also possible to promote it through the empowerment of the child. But first, parents must decide whether they are available to children of a given age. It is also not necessary to over-encourage the “adult” rights of the child. The main thing is to ensure that this method increases the sense of personal responsibility and self-control, confirms the successes that it has already achieved. Gratitude can also be an incentive.
Parents should notice the emotional sensitivity shown by their children, kindness to loved ones, and highly moral behavior in a difficult situation. This is necessary for the normal development of the child.
Caressing, kissing, stroking in reasonable amounts (not caressing and praising without taking into account actual achievements) are acceptable as rewards and approvals at any age, taking into account individual relationships. An over-praised child will try to avoid solving difficult problems, strive to receive praise in some other way, it will be difficult for him to adapt to life outside the family.

Compliments to a man and a woman – what do they have in common

A kind word is pleasant to a cat – this is the catch phrase, but will every kind word be equally pleasant to different people? Definitely not: the interlocutor will like only what he wants to hear or thinks of himself. Depending on the individual qualities of a person, his interests, aspirations and the level of personal ambitions, these can be completely different things, and the most successful compliment is unlikely to be easy to pick and guess. But, starting from the gender of a person, you can always choose a more or less suitable option that will work in most cases. According to psychologists, what do men and women have in common in terms of susceptibility to flattery?

• A subject of pride. For a woman it can be relative or even imaginary, for a man it is always concrete and existing. The subject of pride is a favorite topic of conversation and an object of constant attention, so it will not be difficult for you to figure it out.
• Favorable comparison. It is believed that this is a woman's weakness, but in reality a man can also lose his head from recognizing his superiority over a rival.
• Recognition of superiority. A versatile, never-failing way to compliment someone. Admit that the other person is superior to you in some way and hint at white envy. This will cause a wave of burning pleasure in both man and woman, even if they suspect something was wrong.

How to praise a man

A man, in spite of all stereotypes, is no less susceptible to compliments than a woman, but he can be less trusting, more attentive and careful. In addition, men are more likely to be critical of their achievements and qualities, while women tend to exaggerate them. It is very simple to alert a guy, it is enough to tell him what he does not think of himself. Therefore, a guy with low self-esteem may not forgive you even an ordinary compliment.

Nevertheless, it is possible and necessary to praise a man correctly, and if you do it correctly and in a timely manner, then everyone will benefit. You will achieve what you want and acquire a faithful friend, and he will be provided with a surge of vitality and an incentive to new achievements. Surprisingly, it is not at all difficult for a woman to make her husband the way she wants to see him, with the help of the art of complimenting. The bottom line is that through a compliment a woman says what she appreciates a man for, what she especially likes about him, what turns her on, etc. For a man it is not only a great pleasure, but also a subconscious mindset.

A good compliment does not so much praise the existing merits of a man as it strengthens his faith in reaching new heights and expresses the support of those close to him.

• Only when you are driving, I am not afraid to get into the car.
• How glad I am to have met such a cool companion. We need to see each other more often.
• Nobody can do this job if you don't! Look at your colleagues, do they stand a chance?
• Next to you I feel loved, I don't want to let you go anywhere!
• Before you, I have not met a single real man.

How to praise a girl

A compliment is the standard of communication with a woman. Even if she is not your wife, but just a friend or work colleague, you should still compliment. This is the rule of gallantry, good manners, and the easiest way to build friendships. Women are not as wary of compliments as men, but this does not mean that you can praise a girl in any way you want. It is very important here not to overdo it, so that the girl does not decide that you are trying to achieve something from her and deliberately splurge.

IMPORTANT! Appearance means much more to a woman than any other property. Hence the advice: do not rush to praise her intelligence or high spiritual qualities, it is better to pay attention to her skin, hair, eyes, figure and thigh line.

Spontaneous compliments always work when you supposedly (or not supposedly, but in fact, which is even better) cannot help but admire your girlfriend's appearance. It is convenient to do them in case of a sudden meeting. Examples of phrases:

• You are wonderful! How do you manage to look so good?
• I saw you in this dress and forgot what I wanted to say!
• This hairstyle is just what you need! You have amazing delicate taste!
• God, I see you every day and will never get used to it!

A comparative compliment is a powerful weapon that can turn any girl's head. Its secret is that women subconsciously perceive each other as rivals, even if they struggle with this perception. Therefore, it does not matter in what relationship the compared girls are, whether they are best friends or even sisters, the compliment will shoot.

• And if I say that you are much more attractive than your friend, you will not betray me?
• How does she put up with you? In her place, I would not be able to be friends with such a beauty.

If you don't want to shock an unfamiliar girl with a sudden head-on compliment, tell her what you've heard about her. Become a gossip, spreading pleasant rumors, this will dispel suspicions of flattery, after all, you are just repeating the words of other people.

• I asked the guys who would do this job best of all, and they unanimously sent me to you.
• You know, you are considered the prettiest employee in the entire department. Don't tell me I let it slip.
• I was warned that you are stunning, but I had no idea that you are.

How to praise a child

I come to a dire conclusion. I am a crucial element for children. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. My mood makes the weather. As an educator, I am spreading tremendous power that can make a child's life miserable or happy. I can be an instrument of suppression or inspiration. I can joke or destroy, hurt or console. In all situations, it is my right to decide: develop or extinguish the crisis and praise or scold the child.

100 words how to praise a child.

Keep it up. Great. Super. You clever. Fine. Excellent. Okay. Very neat. Well done. Wonderful. I knew you could do it. I'm proud of you. Fiction .

You're just an asterisk. Beautiful work. Looks nice. You got it over with. Perfectly. Now you figured it out. You have achieved this. It's incredible. What you need. This is the job. Clever girl. You're doing fine. Unique. Now things are up and running. I like you. ABOUT! Blimey!. You are a winner. Great work. Great job. Impressive. Very unusual. Great, my darlings. Excellent my dears. This is the discovery. You figured it out. Fantastic work. Hip hip hurray !. Wow, buddy. Just wonderful. Amazing. Amazing. The right job. Phenomenal. This is a sensation.

Creative work. Upper class. Delightful. Exceptional performance. So exciting. You learned it right. What imagination

You are good at listening. You're lovely. You are growing before our eyes. You are very diligent. You are caring. How interesting. Very unusual. How beautifully told. You are a true friend. I trust you. You mean a lot to me. I'm so happy for you. Happiness to see you like this. Consider that you have made a friend in me. You made me laugh. You made me happy. I respect you. You mean so much to me. It is right. You are just a treasure. You are a miracle. Firestarter. This is something awesome. It was difficult to imagine. It's all right now, buddy. I can say: I am delighted. Congratulations, let me shake your hand. I am happy today. This is luck. Let me hug you. You've done a lot. Keep up the good work. Just something unearthly. So deep. You are so thoughtful. You are so attentive. You've done a great job. You have found yourself. I have always believed in you. You are on the right track.

Why you shouldn't use other children as examples

Adults have so few methods of pressure on children – assault is terrible, you can't scream – so jealousy and competition seem to be the lesser of evils. But the phrase “Look how good Petya is, not like you” can harm a child so much that he will grow up to be a convinced loser, not ready for adult life. Why is it impossible to compare children?

As adults, we have the choice to compete with other employees or not. In the end, you can find yourself a job where you will not intersect with anyone at all. You sit for yourself, program, or scribble panels on a typewriter, or make cakes to order. Yes, in the market, of course, you compete with other manufacturers, but this is not so noticeable. You are fighting not for love, but for money. In part, also for recognition in the community, if any. Or maybe there is no community, you just work – that's all.

While in the camp, children have to fight for a life-forming resource – counselor love.

Yes, one child will be spurred on by these promptings, will make him tense up, make more efforts, finally pull up this damn math and at the same time learn how to pull himself up on the horizontal bar. The other will forever be turned away from any competition – “I am still a loser.” Girls generally want to find things in common more and rally around an interesting task than to participate in races.

If you really want to encourage children to achieve, try setting individual goals: to learn a difficult poem. Personally, you learn, because it will add points in the ranking. And get a reward. And not in a race with a neighbor, who is already gifted with memory and language talents beyond measure, therefore she remembers what she read at once. But she can't draw. You can arrange a drawing contest – for balance. Let's set the children against each other again. It is clear that no brotherly love and help will work in such conditions?

For children, your comparisons can turn into deep inner, hidden from the eyes of people (and your parental eyes as well!) Mental anguish and suffering. No comparisons needed! No examples needed! Each child is unique and inimitable. His conditions and circumstances of life can be strikingly different from other children. Therefore, please do not traumatize the child's psyche with your incorrect comparisons, setting examples and setting ideals. No comparisons needed! And don't use anyone as an example! And in order to measure the child's personal success, phenomenal educators compare the child with himself, invariably starting the comparison with the word “well done” or “clever”.

Examples of comparisons of phenomenal educators:

• “What a fine fellow you are! Last year you skied one lap, and this year you have already skied two laps. “
• “Good girl! Last time there were four mistakes in your dictation, and today there are only two. “
• “Well done! Remember, two years ago you spoke only five sentences in English, retelling the tex, and today in your retelling I almost lost count. I counted 30 sentences! “
• “What a fine fellow! In the first quarter, you collected your portfolio, preparing for the next school day, for an hour, and now you do it in 20-30 minutes. “
• “Good girl! Before, I had to remind you several times to wash the dishes after you eat. And now I'm not talking about it at all. You do it yourself without any reminders. “
• “What a fine fellow you are with me! Remember how in elementary school you were afraid to speak in front of the whole class, you were very worried and nervous. And yesterday I made a report to my classmates without any worries. “

Teach your child from childhood to compare himself with himself yesterday!

On the subject: methodological developments, presentations and notes

On the usefulness of plein-airs and creative groups. A bit of motivation.

I will not be a pioneer if I say that communication in the company of like-minded people is of great benefit and experience. Many people write about this …

Used sources and useful links on the topic: https://summercamp.ru/%D0%98%D1%81%D0%BA%D1%83%D1%81%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0 % BE_% D0% BA% D0% BE% D0% BC% D0% BF% D0% BB% D0% B8% D0% BC% D0% B5% D0% BD% D1% 82% D0% B0 https: // www.chitalnya.ru/work/2524169/ https://www.Teatr-Benefis.ru/staty/psihologiya/kak-pravilno-pohvalit-sobesednika/ https://nsportal.ru/nachalnaya-shkola/raznoe/2020/ 03/02/100-sposobov-pohvalit-uchenika https://twins-nika.livejournal.com/38916.html