Friendship plays an important role in everyone's life and has a great impact on their well-being and health. The very realization that there is someone in your life who will always help with practical advice or warn against a fatal mistake instills in you a feeling of being in demand and needed. Even if you haven't started your own family yet, having a trusted friend will ensure you don't feel lonely.

Surprisingly, friendship is a multifaceted phenomenon and is divided into several types:

Partnership. This type of friendship is most often found between colleagues within the work environment. Colleagues who are united by one idea or a common goal can find a common language and begin to communicate more closely. True, all their conversations will most often revolve around the work area. If one of your friends changes jobs, then the friendship is more likely to fade over time.
Friendly relations are built under the influence of a long time together. A striking example of this type of friendship can be considered the relationship between fellow students or neighbors. Friendship can also be called superficial friendship. People seem to communicate, share news on topics of interest to them, but they do not delve into each other's problems and do not plan to get closer.
Unequal friendship. All of you have seen an example of such a friendship at least once: a beautiful girlfriend and not very successful leader and his guided friend. Some individuals with low self-esteem often make friends with more successful and attractive people in the hope of increasing their popularity. Unfortunately, time has shown that in such a relationship, the more prominent person uses an unequal friend to their advantage.
Children's friendship. One of the most common types of friendship that can arise at a very early age. Children grow up together, learn new things, and if they find the strength to pass all the trials prepared by life, then they have every chance to preserve their friendship for many years.
Family friendship. Also a very common form of friendship. Families can be friends with each other sometimes even for generations. Together they go on vacation at sea, meet at the weekend at the dacha and often dream of becoming related through marriage between children.
Spiritual closeness. The most desirable type of friendship. People can meet and understand from the first minutes of the conversation that they are kindred spirits. They do not even have to finish the phrase to the end, they will understand each other anyway. Such friendships are independent of external factors, habits, or distance. Even if friends are separated by thousands of kilometers, they will still invisibly feel each other's support.

Important

Friendship can still be classified as male and female, but with the only difference that the fair sex are used to sharing their experiences, complaining about life and asking for advice.

Pros and cons of being friends

Any kind of relationship has its advantages and disadvantages, and friendship is no exception to this rule. Interaction between people is generally a very fragile phenomenon that cannot be predicted for sure.

However, if you try to understand the “light and dark” side of friendly relations, the picture will emerge as follows.

1 Take care of your personal growth

It is difficult to maintain deep human affection without developed self-awareness. It's easy to be friends in your youth – you go to the same school, live on the same street, you have a lot of free time. In adulthood, you need to make an effort to maintain a relationship with the person if you are not bound by family or romantic feelings.

To be able to be friends, you must know and accept yourself, and also understand why this person is dear to you. Friendship for life is a conscious effort that only a mature person is capable of.

2 Prioritize

We often think that the most important thing in friendship is common interests. In fact, how much time you spend together is more important. That is why school friends are replaced by university friends, and those, in turn, are replaced by work colleagues or neighbors. Someone with whom we constantly interact is much more likely to become our friend, even if you don't have much in common.

If you do not want to lose your childhood friend, you will have to learn to balance between family, work and communication with her.

Regular verbal contact is more important than having good memories of ten years at the same desk.

3 Reduce requirements

In other words, be condescending. Friendship is a very specific phenomenon. The best friend, on the one hand, is one of the closest people in your life, on the other, a person who is not related to you either by marriage or by any other obligations, except for the voluntary desire to communicate. It's okay to ask your boyfriend or husband to see you every day, but it's weird to expect the same from your friends.

We know what friends are for – to support in difficult times, to listen, to keep company. But, if you want to maintain a relationship with your friend for many years, you should not be categorical and demanding. Long-term friendship is impossible without the ability to forgive – and this is another property of a mature personality.

4 Be Prepared for Emotional Efforts

Friendship, like love, requires mutual empathy and participation. Feel free to show your feelings and show how much you value your connection. Over the years, this is especially important when each of you has your own life and both of you feel that you are no longer in the first place for each other. Friendships in adulthood often end because of imaginary politeness – people stop communicating simply because they do not want to intrude and bother.

Not being demanding does not mean you stop taking initiative in communication.

Remember the past

“Relationships can be compared to a house flower in a pot – they also require care, otherwise they will wither and dry up, only a herbarium of memories will remain,” says existential psychologist Irina Shelyshey. Continuing this metaphor, we can say that the common past is a kind of fertilizer. will always nourish mutual affection in the present, if sometimes recalling in detail what we experienced together. Such an experience will allow to let into today's relationship energy that was once “conserved.” These stories also help to return to the “here and now” the feeling of mutual gratitude experienced by both “there and then.” As a result, we again understand why we need friendship and how much pleasant it has brought into our lives.

Keep in touch

“The guarantee of good relations is something in common: a school background, the upbringing of weather children or work in the same area,” continues Irina Shelyshey. If interests do not overlap, it will be difficult to maintain close connection. But it's still possible if both of you strive to be closer. You can suggest: a friend: “Listen, we were friends so close and for a long time, and now we meet less and less. So sorry to lose what was! If you feel the same way, let's establish a rule: every last Friday of the month we will meet so as not to lose each other. “

Conflict

“Unlike men, it is more difficult for us to deny something to our friends, since the level of empathy is higher and the desire to sacrifice something for the sake of another is also more difficult,” says psychoanalyst Evgenia Gaiduchenko. But mature friendship is based on mature selfishness. Anything that causes too much inconvenience can be avoided. Proximity requires compromises, but you shouldn't make them to your detriment. The result of sacrifice is accumulating aggression, which sooner or later will break out and destroy the relationship.

Therefore, it is so important to learn how to express dissatisfaction. If you do not discuss problems, they will snowball. “To maintain trust, you have to get into the habit of expressing mutual grievances,” says Marina Travkova, family systems therapist. At the same time, it is important to remember that some conflicts can and should be avoided. If yesterday a friend told for two hours what a scoundrel her husband was, and today she claims that they have made up and that she adores him, think, is it worth pointing out the inconsistencies in her words right now? Sometimes it is useful to just listen – this will also have a psychological effect of support and help.

Keep your distance

Surprisingly, it takes distance to keep in touch. “There should be both free space (‘I am without you') and a feeling of closeness (‘you are near'), – says Marina Travkova. From this point of view, conflicts in friendship can be roughly divided into two types: excessive distance and strong rapprochement. In the first case, you can worry that your friend has distanced herself too much, she has neither time nor energy for us. In the second, on the contrary, it seems that the friend has come too close, “seizes” our time, requires more attention than we are able to give. There are usually only two ways out of such situations: a gap or a joint search for the optimal distance. It's not easy, but mutual trust and emotional closeness usually develop in the process. This happens because without trust it is impossible to discuss painful moments,

Don't criticize your friends and their surroundings.

There is a widespread belief that only a true friend can tell the truth straight to his face, they say, “who, if not him?” But in fact, we expect moral support from friends, and not criticism, so you should not sharply express to a loved one everything that you think about him or about any situation related to him. To hint, gently nudge him to some action – yes, but not to prove in a categorical form that he is wrong.

Refrain from insulting your friend's relatives. Believe me, he himself knows what is wrong with his relatives, acquaintances and second half. He may regularly complain about them, splashing out negative emotions, but if you start to scold them expansively, you will most likely provoke a conflict or resentment. For example, there are cases when the phrase: “Your mother is wicked” became a reason for a complete break in friendly relations.

Do not demand from friends what you yourself cannot give them.

Friendship should be a reciprocal and adequate action, not a “one-sided game”. For example, if you yourself cannot (or do not want) to meet with your best friend at his first call and do not call him at least once a week, then do not demand an immediate response from him to your offer to see you and do not expect frequent phone calls.

In addition, if you refuse to share with your friend some of your secrets and experiences, then you should not insist that he tell you everything about himself. It is necessary that the frankness is mutual, otherwise there is a feeling that you deliberately deduce from this person some of his secrets, but at the same time you do not trust him or do not need him.

Don't overuse your best friend.

In order to maintain a friendship for life, you need to remember that everything is good in moderation. Even with the best friends you cannot communicate every day, there must be breaks. Then the meetings will become truly valuable, there will be more topics for conversation, and you will not have time to get bored with each other.

How to stay best friends for life

Also, it is not advisable to constantly talk only about problems – if you meet with a friend solely to tell him about the troubles that happened to you, his compassion quickly dulls. Obsessive complaints about life, as well as many hours of discussion of the same critical situation, sooner or later begin to irritate. Which in turn leads to alienation. Therefore, if you do not want your friend to just hide from you, then do not overload him with negative emotions.

3 Recognize the limitations

Lack of time for communication is not the only problem. Friendship has a lot of obstacles when you don't overlap in life stages. One friend is busy with children, the other goes on business trips. The material condition can also be different, this imposes restrictions on joint leisure.

Be realistic and don't expect the impossible from girlfriends and meetings. Then it will be easier to find compromises – for example, choose a less expensive type of leisure. Being aware of the limitations will help avoid misunderstandings and conflicts: you decline an invitation to dinner because your finances are tight, and your friend thinks you don't want to see her. Your initiative will also be useful – suggest ideas for meetings, but try to take into account the circumstances of your friends. They will appreciate your attention and care.

5 Make compromises

Another reason why adults find it difficult to be friends is that they become extremely stable in their preferences. After 30-40 years, it is more difficult for a person to sacrifice their own comfort for the sake of another. People interrupt communication because of the most commonplace things – they cannot agree on where to go on the weekend or who should visit whom. As a teenager, we are ready to endure unpleasant company or rush to the other side of the city, just to spend time with our best friend.

2 Create new memories

It is pleasant to remember the past, but friendship will wither without new events and impressions. Try doing things together that you haven't done before. Have a great time and at the same time find out what's new in your friend's life. Spontaneity isn't as easy as it was when you were young, so schedule meetings so that they don't overlap with other things and responsibilities.

Exercising together can help strengthen friendships, but it is not enough. It is important to have heart-to-heart conversations – they bring people closer together. Social media helps keep in touch, but we rarely communicate live. And no amount of online correspondence can replace real intimate conversation.

It doesn't matter whether you meet in person or call on the phone, talk about what is happening in your life, what worries you. Be open and honest. Talk about your problems, share your successes and hopes for the future. Be real – this will help you and your friend understand each other better.

Learn to find compromises

It is easy and comfortable to be friends with a person who constantly agrees with you in everything. But if you really value your best friend, then you should not forget that he also has his own opinion, his own preferences and life circumstances. Friendship is a compromise, and only the ability to give in makes it long and hassle-free.

Often think about whether your friend is comfortable meeting you where you want, whether he can go where you want to relax, and whether he shares your point of view. The more actively you take into account the interests of this person, the easier and longer communication will be. Even in a friendly alliance, built according to the “leader-follower” scheme, the weaker must necessarily know that the one who is stronger respects him.

At the end of the article, let us say: the “pitfalls” of friendship can only be ignored in childhood and early adolescence. The fact is that during these periods the social circle is constantly changing, and it is still completely incomprehensible who will become our best friend for many years. We live in one day and do not think about the future.

When our character is fully formed, maintaining friendships becomes a very important but difficult process. After all, we bring our life attitudes and our social status into friendship, we begin to demand from friends to follow our principles and participate in solving our problems.

That is why it is very difficult to carry friendship throughout your life. This requires tact, mutual respect, the ability to compromise and complete trust. In addition, we should not forget that we should be genuinely interested in the affairs of those whom we consider best friends, and regularly prove to these people that their presence with us makes our existence truly wonderful.

5 Avoid competition

From time to time we compare ourselves to our friends. But when we have different lives, it is difficult to understand who has gone ahead. If you have different priorities in life, there is an area in which you will find yourself lagging behind. Envy is an unpleasant feeling, but it's a normal reaction.

However, constant “competition” is not good for friendship and devalues your achievements. Do not get hung up on where you are behind your friends, and do not get carried away with self-criticism. Remember, everyone has their ups and downs and you don't know what the other person is going through.

6 Change your view of the situation

You are now at different stages of life – try to benefit from this situation. Use your friends' experience to make decisions in your life. Maybe you want to start living with a man, get married, take a promotion at work, or have a baby. Look at a friend who already has it. This will help you assess future prospects and understand how ready you are for such changes.

How to understand that friendship has exhausted itself

Spring general cleaning is not only about clearing debris in the garage and putting things in order in the wardrobe. This is also a good opportunity to take a closer look at the people who surround us, and think about whether it's time to “clean up” in this area of your life.

4 Prepare for surprises

We tend to think out for others. We supposedly know how a friend will react to this or that situation. But our assumptions often turn out to be wrong. Speculation gets in the way of solving problems and alienates.

Let's say a friend constantly talks about children, but you are not interested in talking about diapers and queues for kindergarten. You are worried that your friend will be upset if you turn the conversation to another topic. May be. But the opposite is also possible – she will be happy to discuss your recent vacation and forget about household chores for a moment. So do not try to decide for your friends, check your assumptions.

Sources used and useful links on the topic: https://blizosti.net/kak-sohranit-druzhbu-navsegda-sovety-psihologa/ https://heroine.ru/podruga-zhizni-6-sposobov-soxranit-druzhbu-s- vozrastom / https://www.cosmo.ru/psychology/psychology/kak-sohranit-druzhbu/ https://www.passion.ru/psy/po-dusham/kak-ostatsya-luchshimi-druzyami-na-vsyu- zhizn-88819.htm https://www.psychologies.ru/self-knowledge/kak-sohranit-podrug-kogda-vyi-na-raznyih-etapah-jizni/ https://woman.rambler.ru/psychology/41138673 -podruga-zhizni-6-sposobov-sohranit-druzhbu-s-vozrastom /

Post source: lastici.ru