Fake Orgasm: Lies That Don’t Save

Studies show that up to 75% of women and up to 25% of men have experienced orgasm simulations.

Another study of more than 1,600 married heterosexual couples found that about 43 percent of husbands had a skewed view of how often their wives had orgasms.

Psychology professor Laurie Mint (University of Florida) rightly notes that such a gap is not due to biology, but to cultural factors: getting an orgasm for a woman is no more difficult than for a man – but the point of view continues to dominate in society that this is not so.

Paradox: we are the closest people to each other, we sleep in the same bed for years, become parents, side by side in grief and in joy – and remain strangers in such an important component of family life as intimacy.

Here are the 5 most popular reasons women talk about for practicing orgasm faking:

1. orgasm is unlikely, or it takes too long to get, or this time you just don't want to bring yourself to orgasm;
2. I want to avoid negative consequences (to protect the partner’s self-esteem and not hurt his feelings);
3. I want to please my partner;
4. sexual contact is unpleasant or even painful;
5. “If I don’t get an orgasm every time, then something is wrong with me."

So, we see 2 groups of reasons: 1) the well-being or self-esteem of the woman herself; 2) associated with the influence on the feelings of a man or with a possible negative assessment of a woman by a man.

Wanting or not wanting an orgasm is your right. If you choose to have an orgasm today, you are fine. If you choose to do without it, you are fine too.

Yes, there is a definite relationship between the frequency of faking an orgasm and the difficulty in achieving it. If it is still difficult for you to achieve an orgasm, and you continue to study yourself with your partner and look for the keys to your orgasm, everything is fine with you.

If you find it difficult to achieve an orgasm, but you decide for yourself to suspend the exploration of the depths of your sexuality for the time being, everything is fine with you too. None of us is required to experience maximum pleasure from sex – if we do not want it.

Not every sexual act has to end with an orgasm (for both men and women). This does not prevent both of you from getting mutual pleasure from intimacy and the process itself. You have the right not to follow society's obsession with a mandatory "grand final". Just do what pleases both of you. Fuck stereotypes from porn movies that are far from real life, and give yourself and your partner the opportunity to get to know the real you.

Men usually like specifics – so give them clear instructions. Better yet, create it together. With notes on how important foreplay, relaxation, a sense of security and other factors are important to you for the appearance of “that very” mood.

If the main reason you keep faking an orgasm is because you don't want to open up to your partner (regardless of the reason), try putting yourself in their shoes. What would you prefer in such a situation: to know the truth or to be deceived? Few things are as destructive to a relationship as lying…

Is there a fear that you, the real one, will not be understood, rejected, ridiculed? Then the problem in your relationship is much deeper than the mismatch of ideas about sex. If your partner is not a support for you, if you cannot trust him and are afraid to be sincere with him, everything is very wrong with your relationship.

By being truthful with each other, we build trust and intimacy. Not to mention, exploring sexuality together is a fun activity that makes your sex better. You can play, laugh, experiment – and this will definitely improve communication between you and bring more colors to both of your lives.

And here are life hacks for those who are ripe to stop this lonely one-man theater:

1. Choose the right time to talk with your partner – when there is no need to rush, you can relax and you both have a resource to discuss;
2. Be prepared to endure an emotional reaction: We all hate to feel cheated;
3. Start by thanking your partner for the good things between you. Let your words activate a sense of intimacy and connection;
4. Share your feelings with your partner: if you are nervous, if you are worried, let him know about it. This will turn on sympathy in him;
5. Let us know if you would like to explore this issue further together. Share how it can bring you closer and improve the quality of your relationship.

If you are being told something like this, be open. Make it clear that you appreciate the frankness that cost your partner dearly. Share what feelings and thoughts this information caused you.

And then you agree on something with each other. About something only his own and very, very important.

Perhaps a couple more life hacks will help you with this:

1. Ladies First. If a woman is determined to have an orgasm, then let her get it first.
2. Each of us is the master of his own orgasm. But the help of a partner in this matter is precious.

And let your joint discoveries be amazing!