How to communicate with an introverted person: rules for a successful conversation with an introvert. How to make friends with an introvert – features of communication

Who really is an introvert?

We were also divided into extroverts and introverts by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist. He believed that a person has innate psychological qualities that can be ranked as one of these types. The main Jung quality is vital energy.

If the energy of extroverts is focused on others (they are “charged” through communication), then introverts, on the contrary, need to gain energy alone.

But there are still a huge number of factors that influence the formation of our personality. Upbringing, values ​​that are instilled by loved ones in childhood, classmates and classmates, social networks and so on are added to the so-called congenital. Therefore, it is hardly possible to meet “pure” introverts and “pure” extroverts – in one way or another we have traits of both personality types, just one thing prevails in someone, and in someone else. Some people generally consider themselves ambiverts, because both types seem to be equally close to them.

What is the difference between an introvert and an extrovert?

These two concepts were introduced by the author of analytical psychology, Carl Jung. According to his definition, introverts are focused on their own inner world, and extroverts are focused on the outside world. The difference between these two personality types is significant. Some need loneliness, others constantly need communication.

Most people are extroverts (to varying degrees). They are constantly striving for communication, looking for new acquaintances, they like to be in the spotlight (telling jokes in noisy companies, singing karaoke). There are much fewer introverts – about 20% of the population. They will prefer to be alone, to be alone with nature, to calmly think over another idea or plans for life.

A characteristic feature of introverts is a high level of responsibility. They strive to be punctual and take any business extremely seriously. In most non-public speaking activities, introverts tend to be valuable and productive employees.

It is important to consider that it is almost impossible to change the personality type. You can work with a personal psychotherapist for a long time, get rid of complexes and increase sociability. But you won't be able to become a real extrovert.

Is it bad to be an introvert?

It is widely believed that being an introvert prevents people from achieving success in life. But finding out which famous person is an introvert, you will be convinced that this opinion is wrong.

The list of famous introverts includes such figures as Steven Spielberg, Keanu Reeves, Barack Obama, Johnny Depp, Lady Gaga, Michael Jordan. This type of personality went to businessmen Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Elon Musk, as well as politicians Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin and other famous historical figures are also considered introverts.

How did they succeed, despite their natural withdrawal and shyness? The secret lies in the fact that they have their own system of values and are not inclined to focus on the opinions of others.

Having defined their goals, people with an introverted personality type move towards them, not paying attention to criticism. This is what helps them in solving problems that seem insoluble to others. Plus, introverts are very persevering. Staying in a focused state for a long time, they are able to think over well the strategy for solving the task and find the best way.

But keep in mind that the celebrities cited have other virtues as well. They are strong, determined and hardworking. For ordinary people, an introverted nature is not very helpful in achieving success. Often it prevents them from building the necessary social ties and does not allow them to quickly adapt to changing circumstances.

The typical introvert is a loyal and reliable friend. But he himself rarely counts on friendly support, therefore, through many difficulties, he is forced to break through exclusively on his own, which is not always enough.

Breaking stereotypes about introverts

All introverts are shy

Shyness and introversion are commonly used synonymously, but this is not at all the case. Shyness is associated with discomfort and anxiety in situations that involve social interaction. Introverts, on the other hand, can feel quite confident in the circle of people: they just need to “accumulate” energy in order to “go out into the light.” Also with extroverts – if you are an extrovert, it does not mean that you feel comfortable in any society.

Introverts are antisocial

Introverts do enjoy spending time alone, but the rule “one excludes the other” does not work here. Introverts enjoy interacting with people, they just tend to prefer quality over quantity. Therefore, more often than not, introverts do not weave a web of social connections – they have a good company of friends, and they are quite happy with this turn of events.

Introverts don't make good leaders / public speakers

This is also just a stereotype, probably associated with shyness. Professor Grant's research, by the way, showed that both types can easily become good leaders. Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi – they are all introverts and yet you are probably known for their excellent leadership skills.

Introverted public speakers are also great – they usually don't count on improvisation and prepare carefully before each performance.

Introverts are smarter / more creative than extroverts

Creativity and intelligence also have nothing to do with personality types. There are many brilliant introverts and extroverts in the creative and scientific community. And this also has nothing to do with the type of activity. For some reason, it is generally accepted that, for example, actors are extroverts and writers are introverts. Emma Watson, Christina Aguilera, Courtney Cox, Audrey Hepburn – they are all introverts and, nevertheless, this did not interfere with their career in show business.

An introvert is easy to distinguish from an extrovert.

The girl lights up at the party, communicates with everyone around and goes out on the dance floor without hesitation. Is she an extrovert? Not. After all, after the party, the girl sits in a taxi, puts on headphones, closes her eyes and thinks with relief: “finally home”, dreaming of how she will spend the rest of the evening in the company of her favorite series. We live in a fairly extroverted world, so many introverts do all social activities without problems, communicate with a large number of people and behave very openly.

They just have to “recharge” for a long time after that, and sometimes they are not eager to go to the party, but you will never tell by them that they are introverts.

5 main rules for an introvert

• Mark the boundaries

This is perhaps the most important rule – your social circle should know about your boundaries. It may seem to you that everything is obvious, but no, other people have not yet learned to read your mind. If someone violates your personal space – tell me about it. If you are tired and do not want to walk, tell me about it. If you are tired of talking, tell me about it. None of your loved ones wishes you harm and does not want to bore you, they will certainly take into account your wishes, just do not forget to speak about them aloud.

• Meet a wonderful person

Do you know who this wonderful man is? You. Sitting at home with a book is undoubtedly very pleasant, but the world is full of equally wonderful things. And if you don't try, you won't know if you like them. Some introverts, for example, hate going to clubs, but they gladly drive them to a concert with friends. Have you ever said yes to a regular concert?

Don't be afraid to explore and try new things – within reason, of course – the horizon is endless.

• Accept yourself for who you are

Everybody loves to spend Friday night in bars, don't you? This is normal. Is everyone talking about a show you haven't watched and you don't feel like watching it? And that's okay. Everything that you do and want is normal, as long as it does not begin to harm the other person. Do not be afraid to be yourself – there is no “right” or “wrong”, there is only you and not you.

• Make yourself small challenges sometimes

This is by the way about expanding horizons. Don't miss out on opportunities – there are a lot of them, especially now. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Start small: have a polite short conversation with a barista at a local coffee shop, go to a nearby town, sign up for courses you could not decide on.

• Let go of the past

This is advice for growing up introverts. Towards 25, some have a turning point, and they begin to regret not having tried everything in their youth that their more extroverted friends have experienced. If one day such a feeling overtakes you, just abstract and understand that without the past there would be no present – and you would be completely different.

Think about all your good qualities and abilities and realize that they all came about from what you did in the past.

Maybe you write great because you used to read books all day before? Or do you bake the most delicious cakes in the world, because you were happy to help your mother in the kitchen, instead of hanging out with friends? Causality works flawlessly

Introverts. Why do we love them?

Such guys will not entertain the audience with jokes about Barbara, but they can easily fall in love with themselves. Their strengths for women are just devilishly captivating!

In the eyes of an introvert, there is some kind of mysterious, filled with meaning.

Even when he does not understand something, he still does not understand very subtly, perspicaciously and intelligently. If only because when you are silent, the chances of saying nonsense are significantly reduced.

They are unhurried. They know what they want and are steadily moving towards it. Well, for women, airy and rushing creatures, it is very calm next to those who do not spray and know how to look deeper.

Introverts don't like shallow water. If you have a huge unspent inner world, he will really appreciate it. It seems as if they have another personal space of their own.

What kind of introverts are there?

Introverted men are very different, but Carl Jung globally divides them (among other things) into emotional and logical subtypes.

Introvert-logic

“Crackers” and “icebergs in the ocean”, which cannot be reached by anything.The coldest type and, as a rule, such an introvert is closed quite consciously.

Often falling in love is not part of his plans, he does not need to shatter the nervous system. He likes to remain sober and is frankly frightened when he covers it up: “What to do, how to be, where to run, and who is to blame?”

Intuitive-logical introvert

Such people are often called gloomy realists. Their gloomy predictions, as a rule, tend to come true for some reason. This is a pronounced rationalist: he is distinguished by the logic of his actions, punctuality, and conscientiousness. His plans are clear, but he implements them without haste, accurately verifying every step. An intuitive introvert is not a leader, but a responsible follower.

He is often disliked in the team for being too picky and demanding. However, he knows how to accurately calculate the beneficial sides of a particular situation and can always find the right way out of a difficult situation. Outwardly, they seem cold and detached. Complimenting, flattering, praising someone is not in his rules. Likes to read and reflect.

Logical-sensory introvert

This type of introvert reacts painfully to the invasion of his world, does not recognize pretense, pretense in conversations and relationships. At the same time, he is responsive and always ready to help; this is one of the most loyal comrades. He does not like noisy companies, but he cannot be called a reclusive and unsociable. He enjoys a leisurely conversation, communication with people pleasant to him.

Logic-sensory introvert rational has the ability to adapt to the surrounding reality, rules, requirements and canons of the environment – this allows him to live in his own world without “falling out” of the community in which he has to be. Very vulnerable and touchy, but he knows how to hide it from others. Its consistency and rationality are manifested in various situations:

• differs in frugality – does not spend money in vain;
• possesses a rare insight – it is impossible for hacks and idlers to carry it out;
• will perform only what is entrusted;
• mood swings are not uncommon: from coldness and detachment to increased excitement, which appears in critical situations.

How to attract?

We all admire opposites. Perhaps it is written somewhere deep in the genes. People with an excellent gene pool have stronger, healthier offspring. Or maybe it's an eternal craving for something that we don’t have.

Therefore, cold introverts are usually attracted to optimistic, open and cheerful girls. Perhaps this particular pair will be the most harmonious. Although it is more difficult for them to find a common language, they are very different.

Introvert-ethics

Usually calm, but more open and gentle. Ethics are much more comfortable, and in a good mood, they can even entertain the company instead of an extrovert.

But in general, they also need peace and quiet, and crowds of people drain them. They are easier and easier to understand relationships, compared to introverted logicians.

However, when trying to quickly close the distance, they deftly dodge, maintaining the inviolability of their territory.

Ethical-intuitive introvert

Excessive gullibility is characteristic of people of this type. They believe that people are decent and honest, are distinguished by generosity and are ready to forgive anyone who admitted their mistakes and repented. They accurately determine the character and mood of strangers, but they are poorly versed in those who are next to them, believing that only decent warm-hearted people can surround them.

The ethically intuitive introvert rational can give sensible advice regarding interpersonal relationships, easily navigates difficult life situations. He is characterized by a craving for the new and the unusual; self-education, the desire for knowledge – his usual state, while often immersion in the study of philosophical theories and religious postulates.

Differs in great endurance and the ability to concentrate in difficult situations, suppressing anxiety and fear that may appear after the problem is resolved. He has special sympathy for people with leadership qualities who inspire and push him to action, while he does not tolerate rudeness and coercion. In such situations, he can become irritable and quick-tempered.

Ethical-sensory introvert

The fourth type of personality is a sensory-ethical introvert who is well versed in people and understands “who breathes what.” You can't ask for it, make a friend: he decides who is “his” and who is “a stranger” to him. With people, he is careful and does not open his soul to the first person he meets, but with those who have become his friends, he will be honest, caring and attentive. It is difficult to communicate with him: it is difficult to convince him, he is given enough compromises.

This is an exceptionally sane person who knows how to analyze the situation and make an informed decision that is fully consistent with the true state of affairs. He can accept the requirements and conditions of the society in which he is, wishing to save himself from unnecessary problems. Dislikes big noisy companies, large-scale events. He enjoys rare quiet meetings, but he is annoyed by frequent contacts even with well-known people.

Unlike other types, the sensory-ethical introvert does not like the slow flow of events, long decisions. The state of anxiety is characteristic for him, at the same time he remembers his own failures, shortcomings and mistakes and learns from them. It is almost impossible to take him by surprise: he is always ready for any turn of events. However, if this happens, it painfully experiences its own mistakes and failures.

How to attract?

Often, a household and domestic introvert ethic needs a person who will pull him out of a safe haven into the open world.

He could have done it himself, but things are at home. I sat there, I sat there. Computer, books, cat – well, you know, there is no time. This type of introverted man most of all appreciates inner subtlety in people.

The ability to talk heart to heart, to provide new interesting information will also be a bonus in you for him. But the main thing is not to ask for business advice. As a rule, they are not good at this.

How not to befriend an introvert

If you are hoping to create and maintain a friendship with someone who seems withdrawn and uncommunicative. Then the usual ways to make friends in this case will not work. Here are a few things to avoid when you want to befriend an introvert.

1 Do not try to engage him / her in light friendly conversation

What is easy and friendly conversation for you is an indescribably boring waste of time for most introverts. Talking about the weather, your life problems, or the latest news will only alienate this person. Shy people, as a rule, do not like to tell a stranger some details of their personal life. Accordingly, they will not be too interested in hearing similar stories from you.

2 Don't invite an introvert to a big party

At the very least, don't do this until you get to know him or her well enough. Most likely, the person will decline your invitation. Which will make you feel rejected. Plus, making friends with an introvert will be much more difficult after that. Therefore, at first try to meet with him in uncrowded places. Where both of you will feel comfortable.

3 Do not use your phone as your primary mode of communication

Most introverts have a pretty distinct disdain for phones. In addition, many people simply do not like the annoying smartphone ringing that constantly breaks into our lives. If it is difficult for a person to communicate in real life, then talking on the phone will be also difficult for him. In any case, he needs to think a little before saying anything. And silence on the phone for introverts is a common thing.

4 Don't try to befriend every introvert

Most extroverts develop extensive social networks. They even meet random people. And they often try to include introverts in their network. However, most shy people are not very keen on maintaining such a vast web of superficial relationships. They actually find it drains them and distracts them from socializing with loved ones and friends. Therefore, begin to be friends with an introvert only when you see a mutual response from his side. And when you realize that you find him a really interesting person with whom you can talk about interesting things. Not because you just want to add another face to your “friend collection”.

However, don't assume that the introvert doesn't care about other people's feelings and doesn't want to be friends with you. Many introverts crave communication that is difficult for them to find in our extroverted society. And if you can find the right approach to an introvert and communicate with him in a way that matters to him, then you can truly become a loyal and devoted friend to him.

How do I find friends if I'm an introvert?

Again, friends and introverts are not mutually exclusive, but if you really don't succeed, get some advice.

• Understand whether you really want to have friends at this particular moment, or are simply fulfilling a “social obligation.” If you still want to, let's move on.
• Make a list of places where you can meet people with similar interests. If you have no idea what interests you right now (this happens, and this is normal), replace this list with some standard places. New courses, cafes, and even a supermarket – people are everywhere. If you are afraid to meet live, there is always an online option. And it is not at all necessary to register on a dating site or something like that – open a group with your hobby / recently watched series or just your favorite public, and go ahead, you can strike up a conversation in the comments and continue in private messages.
• The main thing is to start. Do not postpone this list of places, but actually appear in at least one of them. If you're nervous and worried, that's okay. If you're shy, that's okay too. Just don't let these feelings control your life.

Be open and don't judge anyone.

• Understand that sometimes friendships don't form overnight. Don't push the person away unless you become best friends after spending one evening together.
• Don't take rejection personally. Do you want to be friends with everyone in the world? So the person with whom you are trying to build something has the right not to want. We are all very complex, with our own values ​​/ background / tastes / habits and so on – one small and meaningless detail for us can be decisive for this person. Or maybe he just doesn't want new friends? So if you are suddenly refused, do not worry – this happens more often than you think.
• Understand that the more you practice, the better you get. Yes, this goes for communication and friendship too.

Do not give up. Somewhere there are people who will definitely become your friends – perhaps you just haven't met them yet.

Conclusion

Not knowing who an introvert really is, many people believe that they are strange, sociopathic personalities, closed in themselves. In reality, they are positive and very pleasant people to communicate, reliable and loyal friends, who highly value loved ones, relatives and loved ones. Since it is difficult for them to establish contact with unfamiliar people, they experience certain difficulties in realizing their own potential, but with due diligence they become outstanding professionals in their field.

Sources used and useful links on the topic: https://www.ellegirl.ru/articles/kak-vyijit-esli-tyi-introvert/ https://dnevnik-znaniy.ru/znaj-i-umej/kto-takoj- introvert.html https://yaroslav-samoylov.com/psihologija-otnoshenij/kak-vlyubit-v-sebya-muzhchinu-introverta.html https://womanadvice.ru/kto-takoy-introvert-osobennosti-haraktera-i- temperamenta https://psikhologia.com/podruzhitsya-s-introvertom.html