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What to do if a man does not want to marry


"Why doesn’t he get married?" – a fairly common question on women’s forums. It would seem that everything is with her: beautiful, smart, cooks well and has an easy character. What else does he need? And how long can you wait?

It often happens that relationships last for months, years, and the partner does not offer to move on to a more serious stage in the relationship. What to do with it? 

In the relationship between a man and a woman, we can take three roles, that is, three positions:

  1. parent-child relationship;
  2. Relations "partner-partner";
  3. The child-parent relationship.

In cases where we do not take our role in a relationship, the partner is not ready to marry. Why? For example, we play his mother. If he is a child in a relationship, then he is certainly not ready to get married. Signs that you are in the role of mom:

  • when you show excessive concern for your partner;
  • give him constant instructions;
  • trying to raise him, teach him something;
  • worry about your partner like a small child; talk to your partner like a small child.

When you take the place of a comfortable, caring mom, your partner turns into a sissy and, of course, does not want to get married. The same thing happens when you switch roles and your partner plays the role of daddy, and you are his little girl. In this case, he is also not ready to marry. A man simply plays the role of a dad who also cares, raises, gives instructions and controls everything. This suggests that your relationship system is built illiterately and you have violated the “partner-partner" rule.

Most often, we get into such scenarios for several reasons. Playing the role of a mother, we control our partner most of the time and we have the illusion that he belongs to us. After all, when a man is 100% subject to our control, he (supposedly) will not go anywhere from us. There is an illusion of a healthy, stable relationship. In such a situation, it is important to take responsibility and recognize that you are ready to develop further in this relationship as an adult, free person, on an equal footing and get out of this traumatic “I am a mother, he is a child” scenario.

Another case is when a man plays the role of "daddy", and there are also a lot of benefits here, which are actually hidden traumatic scenarios from childhood. This comes from a destructive or unbuilt relationship between the daughter and the father. Such girls are looking for the best daddies in partners, getting into a traumatic scenario where a girl needs total support, care and control all the time. It is necessary to appreciate and accept that the partner will never become a dad, move to another level and already build a healthy relationship corresponding to this.

When you get into a healthy partner-to-partner scenario, it’s also important to become aware of your goals and values ​​and align them with those of your significant other. It also happens that people live in healthy relationships as partners, but there is no goal to get married or get married. When there is no such goal, the man does not know about it. Here it is important to speak honestly with him that the next step would be important for you to legitimize the relationship.

Be sure to tell your partner your goals for the future and be sincere.

The next reason why a partner is not ready to marry is when he realizes that you are dependent on him. Therefore, in order for a man to want to legitimize your relationship and make it even denser and more valuable, it is very important to work with the awareness of your deepest value and with the understanding that you are a whole, self-sufficient, valuable person, even if you do not have a partner. You should not be afraid to lose a relationship, a man will definitely feel it and, on a subconscious level, will not want to go to the next stage.

Work on your value, integrity, and life mission.

Another reason why a partner does not want to marry you is that you are stuck at the stage of the relationship that you are in today and you yourself are unconsciously afraid to move on to the next stage. Why is this happening?

  1. As a child, you watched the traumatized relationship of your parents, and for you, in principle, marriage is something unhealthy. Of course, you will do everything to avoid marriage and legal relationships. In such a situation, you need to see and understand that there was love between your parents one way or another, so you were born, and you do not need to repeat the scenario of your parents, you can create a healthy, happy, harmonious family.
  2. You may have internal beliefs that boredom appears in official relationships and the delights of the candy-bouquet period go away. Here you need to imagine how events in marriage can still develop. Sit down and write down what are the advantages of this, and see how your relationship can take a different, more perfect form.
  3. If there were injuries in your birth system, where partners lost each other. For example, if your grandparents were separated by death or another tragedy (grandmother was waiting for grandfather from the war and did not wait, etc.). A program is fixed in my head that legalized relations between a man and a woman can lead to death. You need to disidentify from the stories of your tribal system and bring yourself to a new, independent level.

Summing up, I would like to say that when a partner does not marry you, you first need to delve into yourself and work on yourself. Definitely need to take the right place in the system, to be equal with a partner, "partner – partner".

It is very important to work on the topic of value, self-love, to understand that in a relationship you love, appreciate, respect yourself and are no longer ready to fall into co-dependent or unhealthy relationships when a partner does not have the same goals and values ​​with you.

It is also recommended to work out those internal psychological attitudes when you are unconsciously afraid to go into a harmonious, healthy family.

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