How to talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies
If the thought of sharing your sexual fantasies makes you want to crawl out of your skin, don't be alarmed. Talking about sex with a partner is already quite difficult, and voicing your sexual fantasies can be impossible, especially if you find these thoughts shameful or taboo. You may be afraid that your desires will not coincide with the desires of your partner or that he may condemn what you like. How to solve this problem?
It's often scary to admit your sexual fantasies to yourself, much less speak them out loud to someone who might reject you. However, it is very important to talk about your fantasies with your partner and let him feel that he can also talk about his fantasies with you. Of course, easier said than done, right? Here are a few steps for approaching the topic of sexual fantasies in the easiest and most comfortable way.
Content
Remember that you are not a strange person if you have fantasies.
Fantasies are not inherently hideous or creepy. They are a natural part of the sex life. The fantasies you have don't mean there's something wrong with you or that there's something wrong with you—in fact, they don't have to mean anything about you at all. Think of fantasies as ways of expressing your unconscious needs or desires that you have no control over, just like dreams.
Thinking about certain sexual situations doesn't mean you necessarily want them to happen. Perhaps you dream of a threesome, but you know that if you see how your partner enters into an intimate relationship with another person, you will be scared. Or maybe you enjoy watching intense bondage porn, but the thought of being tied up in real life makes you sick.
That's why it's helpful to think about the purpose for which you want to share your fantasy with your partner before you talk about it. Do you want your partner to get to know you on a more intimate level? Are you more interested in finding out if he would be happy to watch a porn movie about your fantasy as a foreplay? Or do you really want to act out this fantasy with him?
You don't have to think everything through before talking about it.
In fact, telling your partner that you don't know exactly what you want from a fantasy is also helpful. Discussing these issues together can be educational and promote intimacy. Obviously, if you decide to pursue any of your fantasies together, you and your partner will need to have additional conversations about how to do it in a way that both of you enjoy.
Explain that you do not put pressure on your partner
So, you are ready to tell your partner that you thought about what turns you on and you want to share it with him. Forward! At the same time, emphasize that, even if you are interested in trying this fantasy, you do not insist that your partner make it come true right now or at any time if he does not like it. Otherwise, your significant other may feel like they are being asked to role-play on the spot.
Then ask how your partner feels about what you shared, but also let them know that they can think for a while. It is quite normal if he is not ready to react or if in the future his reaction will be different from what you expected. You may also find that your fantasy is the same as your partner's, and in this case, the jackpot.
Be prepared for a positive or negative reaction, or maybe even a combination of both.
Your partner may react differently to ideas. He may be neutral about your fantasy, not want to try it, not at all interested in it, or even disgusted. You have the right to think about anything during sex or masturbation, but the partner is not obliged to fulfill your fantasies that do not suit him. In this regard, try to prepare for any reaction that may arise.
Sometimes the fantasy you shared is something you would love to try one day, and sometimes it's something you think you need to be satisfied. If you shared a fantasy that falls into the latter category and your partner is completely uninterested, this could spark a conversation about sexual compatibility and what both of you are looking for in your sex life.
Show compassion for yourself and your partner
Being a good sexual partner means trying to understand the needs, desires, and feelings of the people with whom we are in close relationships. It requires a lot of empathy in both directions. Even if your partner doesn't really understand what you're saying, having a frank and honest conversation will help you bond and respect each other more. If your partner is a loving person (and we hope they are), they will be glad that you feel comfortable enough to share your desires with them, regardless of their willingness to make them come true. Regardless of the outcome of your conversation, you will show a ton of strength by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and that alone should make you proud of yourself.