How sexual fantasies affect relationships in a couple

Having sexual fantasies is completely normal and even beneficial for relationships and partners. A rich erotic imagination goes hand in hand with a fulfilling sexual connection. However, sharing sexual fantasies with a partner still has its pros and cons.

The topic of relationships has always been and is one of the most sensitive, and when it comes to such a deep topic as sexual fantasies in a relationship, it is certainly not customary to talk about it out loud. In general, it is impossible to say that sexual fantasies are the norm, but most often there is no talk of pathology either, the question is only in internal and external relations to oneself and / or partner. But there are also sexual fantasies that speak of serious violations that require work with a competent specialist. Today we are considering the pros and cons of sexual fantasies in a relationship together with a psychologist, personality development expert Anastasia Voloshina.

Anastasia Voloshina Psychologist, personality development expert

In general, fantasies can be both a resource point – inspiring, and also talk about what a person would like to reveal in sexuality and presenting himself to a partner. But this line is very thin, and it is possible to understand the true reasons for the appearance of sexual fantasies only by “dismantling" the internal (emotional) relationships of partners.

Let's look at the cons of sexual fantasies in a relationship:

Emotional withdrawal from partner. This is the moment when fantasies are very different from reality, for example, in imagining yourself instead of a partner of another person. By imagining another person, you lose your emotional connection with your partner, which means that you are moving away from healthy relationships and emotional involvement, which in the long run can lead to a further breakup. The effect of detachment from reality. When you get so carried away by your own fantasies, which are usually pleasant in nature, that you begin to believe in your own fantasies more than in reality. And at the moment when, for some reason, you see reality one day, you may be disappointed with how everything really looks, which may lead to the depreciation of yourself or your partner – and this may lead to separation. Distortion of perception of oneself or a partner in sexual relationships and outside of sexual interaction. This point is quite serious, since in sexual relations, within the framework of your own fantasies, you can endow yourself or your partner with certain qualities that are not available outside of sexual interaction, then you will receive a distorted perception of yourself or your partner, which sooner or later will become obvious. Of course, since the fantasy is positive, you will begin to see negative aspects and qualities of yourself or a partner outside of sexual interaction, which, in turn, of course, will not have a positive effect on your relationship. since in sexual relations within the framework of your own fantasies you can endow yourself or your partner with certain qualities that do not exist outside of sexual interaction, then you will receive a distorted perception of yourself or your partner, which will sooner or later become apparent. Of course, since the fantasy is positive, you will begin to see negative aspects and qualities of yourself or a partner outside of sexual interaction, which, in turn, of course, will not have a positive effect on your relationship. since in sexual relations within the framework of your own fantasies you can endow yourself or your partner with certain qualities that do not exist outside of sexual interaction, then you will receive a distorted perception of yourself or your partner, which will sooner or later become apparent. Of course, since the fantasy is positive, you will begin to see negative aspects and qualities of yourself or a partner outside of sexual interaction, which, in turn, of course, will not have a positive effect on your relationship.

I would especially like to focus on the fact that if you resort to fantasies in a sexual relationship with a partner, you have a place to look into your own inner desires, feelings and states, to figure out what suits you and does not suit you in yourself and / or in your sexual partner – why you cannot interact with your partner in a sexual relationship "without filters" and fantasies. And, of course, it is important to note that the most open, trusting, sensitive and respectful sexual relations between partners are based on pure interaction, without sexual fantasies and "filters", on the full acceptance of the internal and external qualities of both oneself and the partner. But, unfortunately, such sexual relationships between partners are quite rare, and we can safely say that partners,

After looking at the negative aspects of sexual fantasies in relationships and the “normal” option, it is worth listing the pros of sexual fantasies in relationships. But in fact, it is quite difficult to say that fantasies will carry great positive qualities, because, as a rule, sexual fantasies in a relationship close or compensate for some internal and / or external problem in oneself and / or partner and talk about the lack of any feelings and states. Or sexual fantasies in a relationship will talk about internal negative states, complexes and experiences, which, as a rule, are closed by fantasies.

Are there any upsides to having sexual fantasies in a relationship? Since fantasies are most often compensatory in nature or they hide some problem associated with internal and / or external rejections of oneself and a partner, it can be said with certainty that sexual fantasies in a relationship have no advantages in their pure form. Behind every "plus" there is a problem that can and should be solved.

What are these advantages of fantasies in a sexual relationship with a partner:

Self improvement. The opportunity to see what you would like to improve in yourself, what / what you would like to become – you are in your own fantasies as the best version of yourself, so why not use this as an understanding of where you would like to go and take action ?! For example, you are more slender / slender – so turn your fantasy, behind which you don't like yourself, into what / what you want to be, and start moving in this direction. Improvement of interaction with the partner. If every time you interact with a partner in your own sexual fantasies, you expect some kind of pleasant, affectionate and gentle action from him, you can see how manifest you are in what you want: perhaps you are somewhere closed and cold? If you find yourself in such a state, this is a reason to improve your relationship by sorting out your internal states,

These are quite simple pluses you can take into service in order to improve your sexual relationship with your partner and make your interaction more sincere, bright and pure. Then you will not have to compensate for what you lack, to close and compensate for sexual fantasies in a relationship with a partner!

And, of course, it is impossible not to note that if you are constantly in your own fantasies, constantly running away from the “here and now” and not getting emotionally involved in your relationship with your partner, it’s worth figuring out why this is happening, how good everything is inside you. how close your partner really is to you. After all, sexual relationships, their emotional and fantasy component can be a good “litmus test” in understanding relationships and becoming happier! And it will be absolutely wonderful if you solve all those internal and external experiences, negative states, fears, doubts and insecurities and build an open, resourceful and pure sexual relationship, without fantasies and "filters" with your partner, and your life will be filled with brighter feelings and emotions in an open and trusting relationship!