Can cheating strengthen marriage: the opinion of a psychologist

Cheating, whatever it is – physical or moral, on the part of a man or woman, is always perceived as a betrayal. However, what is the most paradoxical, betrayal or suspicion of it can also become a "life jacket" in some respects.

I'll tell you with an example how it works and whether it’s worth repeating the dangerous “trick".

My girlfriend lived with her husband for 10 years. Calmly and without swearing. Everyone lived their own life. Once at an event, she met a man, he enveloped her in attention, compliments, and later gifts. She, without hesitation, cheated on her husband and never regretted it.

On the part of her lover, after a couple of months, jealousy of her husband began. And then she felt that someone really needed. Self-esteem began to grow. She shared this with me: “Lena, can you imagine, my husband was never jealous of me. Why? Is it completely indifferent?"

How the story ended. Her husband began to suspect her of treason. Installed wiretapping on the phone and in the car. He finally got jealous! He did not find out about the betrayal, but he realized that he could lose her forever, and changed – he became more attentive, began to give gifts, etc. Since then, their relationship has improved.

Causes of betrayal

So, cheating in the family most often happens for a reason, a la “I’ll go and taste those bananas over there, suddenly they are sweeter than in a store near the house” (although this happens to men). The metaphor is easy to understand, I think.

Endless quarrels on various occasions, avoiding calm conversations and solving problems, lack of money, lack of intimate life, hypercontrol, abuse and much more – all this adds a chill in a couple or, conversely, kindles the fire of enmity. And one or both of them go "to the side" to get there what they don't get in the relationship.

Also, betrayal can be the result of such destructive behavior of one of the spouses as sick, pathological jealousy. Unwittingly, one in a pair pushes the other to treason. Here the principle of the forbidden fruit and the execution in practice of what they are accused of.

What to do

Jealousy is the fuel that fuels relationships and stimulates each other. Her absence equals indifference.

However, in the manifestation of jealousy there should not be destructive behavior (when it becomes pathological): restrictions on personal space, especially with the use of physical force, checking the phone, and so on.

Anything that limits is bound to give a backlash. For example, a husband has sick jealousy, he forbids his wife to communicate with other men, he chooses her surroundings, dictates how to dress, etc. Sooner or later it will lead to a break. In a toxic relationship, a normal person cannot be.

However, there is also such a situation: a person (more often a woman) likes it when a partner is jealous.

She likes to be under the control of a stronger and more powerful one. In such couples, for both, zealous adrenaline and provocations really become a kind of fuel in a relationship. But here we are talking about hysterical personalities who, most likely, have childhood traumas. And you need to work with a psychologist on this.

In any case, if the light has gone out or some other problems have occurred in the family, they need to be solved (perhaps with a specialist), and not run “to the left”.

Because not in all cases, an affair on the side will strengthen the relationship. Often, the discovery of infidelity leads to divorce – according to statistics, this is the most common reason for the collapse of the family.

Relationships are work, and both partners work in them. Not everything is always smooth and sweet. However, to feed love, passion and close feelings is definitely not a betrayal. And in various other ways.

For example, for a woman it is:

• to be beautiful;
• spectacular;
• self-sufficient;
• versatile;
• improve all the time.

This will please many men. It will increase self-esteem and cause pride in your man that a confident, spectacular woman is next to him. For him, it will be a kind of stimulus. He will conquer again and again and try to match. And in such a relationship, the light will not go out.

Do you think cheating can save a relationship? Share your opinion in the comments!