It is important to remember that a woman is born with a full complement of eggs: on average, there are 1-2 million. Theoretically, it is possible to get pregnant after the first menstrual period, with the help of which the body shows that it is ready. Then the whole set of eggs is available. But this is obviously a bad option, and even forbidden in most countries, where the age of consent begins later. The body may be ready, but everything else … In general, teenage pregnancies and early children are expensive in all respects, and not only for a young mother.

Thus, the best age for having children is between 20 and 30 years old. During these years, the body is fully developed, health has not yet been spoiled, responsibility and other necessary qualities are present. On average, after 32 years of age, fertility declines, and after 37 years this process accelerates. A woman who is under 40 has, on average, half the chances of getting pregnant on favorable days than a woman who is over 20. In general, it is possible to give birth to a healthy child until menopause, which occurs about 50-55 years.

Pregnancy after 30 (and the further, the more) is associated with an increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities like Down syndrome, and can also result in premature birth or be accompanied by gestational diabetes. Of course, this does not mean that it is not worth trying, you just need to keep these features in mind. Instead, the statistics show an interesting result. A study in the UK found that children 10-11 years old born to mothers 35-39 years old, on average, have more developed cognitive abilities than early children. This is primarily due to a higher education level of parents and a better financial situation.

What about other aspects?

So, nature “votes” for pregnancy between 20 and 30. But in our time of endless swipes and the fashion for long-term education, not everyone is going to give birth without standing firmly on their feet. That is why social factors must also be taken into account. If a woman is going to have a child in the future, you can start planning ahead, for example, find out how many eggs you have: if there is time to maneuver before it's too late.

The final decision is in any case for the woman. Science has stepped far forward and can help both very young and very mature mothers, but if possible it is better not to delay: with the birth of a child, everything is just beginning.

Is it worth having a child: the main pros and cons

May holidays are a great opportunity to present yourself with the best New Year's gift: a child! And if right now you have a question: “To have a baby or not?”, Then here are our recommendations that will help you understand this difficult issue.

First of all, we must understand that everything in our life is relative, especially in the harsh Russian conditions. On the one hand, I want to live for myself, first “get on my feet”, buy an apartment, make a career, and then I don't really want to limit myself. On the other hand, there is nowhere without children: firstly, the continuation of the family, and secondly, a complete family, besides, no one wants to be elderly mothers and fathers, but on the contrary, one wants to be young grandparents in the future. And why say the hackneyed phrase that in old age there will be no one to bring water. What if you don't want water in old age?

So to give birth or not? There are a lot of nuances and the choice is yours. This choice should be balanced, reasonable, confident and, of course, collaborative.

1 If so, when?

The most important thing in deciding the issue of children is to look at life realistically. If the family has very little income, poor living conditions and nowhere to wait for help, then, of course, there is no need to rush. It is quite another matter if parents do not want children purely out of selfish motives in order to live richer, relax in comfort, buy a new car, furniture, etc. In this case, a substitution of values takes place: the eternal and spiritual are replaced by the momentary and material.

Unfortunately, in our time, it is very often possible to meet successful women who have everything in life, except for children. They seem to have already matured, and there are all the conditions for this, but there is no physical possibility. So a business woman has to pay big money for treatment or for artificial insemination, and sometimes even several times and not always with a positive result. Still, whatever one may say, a woman is born to be a mother, and sooner or later this feeling wakes up in every woman.

It should be borne in mind that the luminaries of medicine recommend giving birth to the first child under 30 years of age. With the modern rhythm of life, few can provide themselves with everything necessary for this age, therefore the decision to have a child in the family must be made in advance, before crossing the age limit of the mother at 30 years old.

2 How many children should there be in a family?

Many parents believe that it is enough to have one child in the family. But in this case, they deliberately deprive their child of part of the communication, which is so characteristic of a reasonable person. And every adult who was the only child in the family, looking back in time, usually regrets that he did not have a brother or sister.

By stimulating the birth rate, the Russian state pays maternity capital for the second or more child. Perhaps this is an incentive for some parents, while for others it is just a mockery of the state. Today, the birth rate has indeed exceeded mortality for the first time in many years. This is, of course, a positive result, but how has it been achieved? Reforms of the state, improvement of people's lives or raising the civic consciousness of the population?

Most likely, this is the inevitability of time. In the post-war period, there was a boom in the birth rate – people breathed life in a new way. The next spike in the birth rate occurred in the seventies, when the “post-war” children grew up. And today we are giving birth – children of the seventies! Following the logic of reasoning, the next surge in the birth rate should occur exactly in 2020–2030 …

You cannot treat the issue of having children as a duty. Children should be desirable in the family, and if this is not the case, then you should not have them.

3 How to make the right choice?

This question, as well as the question of the correct upbringing of children, cannot be answered unambiguously. Due to the fact that all people are individuals, which means that every family is individual. If, nevertheless, there are doubts whether you are now ready for this or not, then you can analyze the situation, highlighting its positive and negative sides and the consequences arising from them.

To do this, you need to divide the sheet of paper into four parts. In the upper left corner indicate the positive aspects of the current situation, at the bottom under this sector – the consequences arising from this. Accordingly, in the upper right – negative sides and below them – the ensuing consequences.

For example: the expectant mother today is 25 years old – this is a positive side, the consequence of this is a high probability of a successful pregnancy. Or such an aspect: the family does not have its own living space – the negative side, the consequences are high costs (when renting housing) or problems with parents (when living together), etc.

Having drawn up such a diagram, you will see a true “picture” of your family's situation, and you will also be able to set goals for yourself for the near future. Personally, I think that the woman should have the last word. And if your wife supports your point of view and answers the question about children in the affirmative, then there is nothing to think about.

We all need to remember that children are our future, and what this future will be depends only on us. Children are happiness, and no one has ever died from an excess of happiness. The most important thing is that future parents wish the birth of their child, and then he will be loved and will love.

4 To give birth or not to give birth, and if so – when

The question of when exactly the baby should appear in the family arises before all married couples. And sometimes it is not so easy to solve it. On the one hand, you first need to “get on your feet”, start feeling confident about the financial issue, and solve housing problems. Yes, and you want to “live for yourself”, but when to do it, if not in your youth? On the other hand, the later a child is born, the more difficult it will be for his parents. The fact that in youth it is simple (not to sleep at night, for example), the field of 30 begins to be given much more difficult. And doctors do not recommend holding out with the birth of the first child to a very “mature” age. So the question of whether you want children, and if so, at what age, it is better to decide in advance.

5 What should you look for when planning this question?

Living space

Sometimes this very criterion becomes decisive. It is worth waiting with the birth of a baby if:

– you live in the same apartment with your parents, grandmother, grandfather and the family of your brother or sister;

– you rent an apartment, the owner of which is against the children;

– you have your own, but very small apartment or room.

But if you have your own apartment, which has enough room for a child, and you just want to buy a more luxurious one, or make a renovation, replace furniture, you should weigh well what is more important – the child or these reasons.

Financial security

It is enough for one of the family members to “stand firmly on his feet” in this regard. If his earnings are enough, the second parent will be able to take care of the baby. Parental leave can be taken by both the mother and the father. Or even a grandfather or grandmother.

Health status

This is a very serious point. Before the planned pregnancy, it is worth dealing with the existing health problems, because the exacerbation of untreated sores during pregnancy or in the first year of a child's life can become a big problem. This is especially true of mom's health, of course, but dad will also have a lot of new worries, so there will be no time to get sick. A young family should also visit a geneticist, and a mother should visit a gynecologist. And go through all the necessary examinations. It may turn out that you need to heal something that you did not know about.

Amount of children

How many children you are going to have also affects the age at which you should give birth to your first child. After all, time must pass between him and his brother or sister. And the more children are planned, the earlier it is worth starting.

Children is our future. But they must come to the family desired and loved. It is most important.

Holy purpose

When a man and a woman begin to build relationships, they are largely driven by this most important, most sacred goal in life – the desire to procreate. Choosing a woman, a man subconsciously assesses whether she will be able to give birth to strong and healthy children. And the woman thinks whether this man will be able to take care of her and future children, protect, provide financially.

Nature is not interested in the fact that modern society has come up with non-standard types of families, female careerists, men who are not capable of permanent relationships. And this is good. She is able to completely neutralize the social principle, despite the fact that it has a very strong impact on our decisions.

At what age should you have a baby? In Europe, it is considered the norm when a husband and wife decide to have their first child after the age of 30. They believe that first you need to earn a decent housing, reach certain professional heights, stand firmly on your feet, and only then think about offspring.

In Russia, many decide to have children quite early – girls from the age of 19 are thinking about motherhood. This is also normal, since in youth all the problems that inevitably arise during the birth and upbringing of children are much easier to bear.

Of course, it is not so easy for young partners to cope with material problems, graduate from a university and find a decent job. But couples after 30 years are afraid of health problems, and therefore with natural conception. But nature helps to overcome all difficulties.

It is far from always that we decide when to have a child in marriage – the feeling that everything is in our hands is very mistaken.

When is it better to have children in marriage?

At what stage of the relationship should you think about children? The first stage of love is falling in love, when feelings and sexual passion “cover their heads”, partners see only each other and do not notice anyone or anything around. It seems quite natural to them to have a child at this time, because they perceive it as another manifestation of their feelings for each other. But from the point of view of conception, this is not the right time.

Falling in love replaces the stage of confrontation. Passions more or less subside, and partners “turn on their heads”, begin to assess whether they are suitable for each other for family life. Everyone is less likely to make concessions and demand that their personal boundaries be respected. Often people at this stage understand that they are completely different and break up.

And, of course, if there are no children, then parting is much easier. If the woman is already pregnant by this time, and the partners, despite the difficulties in the relationship, decide to stay with each other because of the child, then this usually does not lead to anything good.

A woman can allow pregnancy at the stages of falling in love or confrontation only if she is completely confident in her ability to raise a child on her own, despite the condemnation of her parents, inevitable problems with work, etc.

After a period of confrontation, a stage of compromise begins – partners have learned to accept each other, having gone through certain difficulties, believe in each other and are ready to go through life together, no matter what. This is exactly the period when a child is not only possible and necessary to have. This period of marital unity is ideal to give birth not only to the first, but also to the next children.

Motives of conception

When thinking about motherhood, it is important to decide not only when is the best time to have a child, but also why you need it. It's no secret that not all motives for conception are so selfless. The reasons for the birth of children are conventionally divided into constructive and destructive.

In life, many are accustomed to pursuing their goals, regardless of the means. Some women stop at nothing to get their man. For them, pregnancy is a means to this end. And this is wrong! Because often this child was not needed by either the woman or the man. He played his role and paired them, but love did not increase from this (or maybe it did not exist at all).

And what is the bottom line? Parents do not harbor warm feelings for their child, but they must maintain their authority. So they play the role of “loving” mother and father, and inside each of them an internal conflict is brewing, which sooner or later will inevitably come out.

It is much easier for parents who really love their child to raise him and find a common language with him. It is much more difficult for parents who “sacrificed themselves” of circumstances, goals, women's health – the reasons for such sacrifices can be very diverse.

See also: Ways to save your family budget

Children of such parents are much more likely to get sick or behave badly – causing negativity, they draw attention to themselves. The child quickly realizes that the only way and in no other way can he interest his parents. He begins to resort to such means as wound up.

Whatever the initial reason, but treat the appearance of a baby in your life as a miracle. It will completely change you and your life – for sure for the better, even if for this you have to go through a series of difficulties.

When it is necessary to have a child – ideally, when both partners have positive motivation, when they want children for the sake of children, and not for the sake of something else (age is pressing, parents demand grandchildren, to avoid being fired).

The main thing is that everyone by this time has a large supply of love that they can generously share with their baby: take care of him, show their feelings and accept him for who he is.

Myth of 25 years

The pressure on a girl from relatives grows to the maximum at the age of 23-26. The public makes her think that the clock is really ticking, which means it's time to give birth. Despite the complete lack of a scientific basis, the myth that you have to give birth before 25 is very common. The history of the appearance of this myth goes back to the middle of the last century, when in Soviet obstetrics women giving birth to their first child after 30 years were called old-born. But the fact is that in the days of our grandmothers they got married and gave birth to their first child much earlier than now, on average from 20 to 25 years. Against this general background, a girl giving birth at 30 really stood out.

In Soviet obstetrics, it was really believed that it was necessary to give birth before the age of 25, because at this age in most cases there are fewer chronic diseases, and the hormonal background is in the most favorable state. But you need to understand that after 25 years, there are no cardinal changes in the sexual sphere. It is perfectly possible to endure and safely give birth to a baby at 25, 30, and even 40 – you just need to lead a correct lifestyle and not neglect medical examinations.

According to Eurostat, the age of a young mother has increased over the past 20 years. Yes, half of women in the EU became mothers before the age of 29, but 40.6 percent of women prefer to have children under the age of 39. The average age of a young mother is 28 years old. In Russia, the age of birth of the first child is also steadily growing, but has not yet passed the 30-year mark, currently amounting to 27.2 years (for comparison, in 1980 this figure was 23 years).

The optimal age according to scientists

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology argues that a woman can get pregnant at any age while she is having her period, but after 32 years, a woman's reproductive functions begin to gradually deteriorate. Yes, a woman is most fertile in adolescence, but getting pregnant before the age of 18 is not worth it – the nervous system and hormones are still unstable. So it is better to give birth to a child after 20 years.

After the age of 30, the risk of stillbirth, premature birth, gestational diabetes and preeclampsia increases, and at this age, women are more likely to have children with Down syndrome. However, recent advances in health care can help you get pregnant and carry a healthy baby with ease. Late pregnancy also has its benefits – babies are believed to have better cognitive skills.

Some researchers go further and put together a fertility calculator. So, scientists from the University. Erasmus of Rotterdam analyzed data on pregnancies and childbirth of more than 58 thousand women. The time period that the data covers is 300 years – up until the 1970s. One of the authors of the article states: “We needed information about those generations who sought to have the maximum possible number of children and did not use contraceptives.” In the course of analyzing these data, a fertility calculator was compiled. This is a table that shows at what age a woman is recommended to give birth to her first and subsequent child:

If you want to have three children, then the first child must be conceived no later than 23 years old.
If you want to become a mother of two children, you should start no later than 27 years old.
The first and only child can be born at 32 years old.
In all of the above cases, the probability of a successful development of the situation and the birth of all planned children will be more than 90%.
The chances of a favorable outcome will decrease to 75% if a woman starts giving birth to children at the age of 31 (if she wants to have three), 34 years and 37 years for two and one child, respectively. If you postpone pregnancy until 35, 38 and 41 years, respectively, the probability of happy motherhood will decrease even more – up to 50%.

Something other than health ..

John Mirowski, a sociologist at the University of Texas at Austin, believes that biology and the real state of affairs in society do not coincide very much. If the first child was born at the age of 20 or less, then there is a high probability that he was born out of wedlock. Very often, due to early pregnancy, a girl cannot get a higher education, self-actualize and find a decent job. Professor Mirowski, taking into account the calculation of emotional maturity and biological age, argues that the best age to become a mother for the first time is 29 years. By this time, the woman will receive a higher education, will be able to make a career, “live for herself” and build a strong relationship with her husband so that they can withstand the “test of the first child”.

Women aged 30 and over have financial stability, have a higher level of education, which contributes to the development of the child's intellectual abilities. Such a mother has a lot of life experience. In addition, after 30, the child is still desired, which means that the mother will carefully approach his upbringing.

Bottom line: if you are planning to have one child, you can postpone pregnancy by 30+. If you want several children, then it is better to have your first child no later than 28 years old.

What exactly is not worth focusing on?

Because the clock is ticking

The clock is ticking for more than just motherhood. It is a big mistake to think that there is a special time when it is especially convenient to give birth to children. It is a delusion that one should not miss youth – the peak of health and reproductive abilities – and first it is better to have a child, and then build a career, get a second higher education or write a doctorate. Everything works in the opposite direction: it will be much more difficult to study and work with a child than without him. You will have less money, time and health, and employers will be more wary of you and will almost certainly prefer to hire an employee with less experience and qualifications, but without children.

How to do it right: forget about the ticking clock, talk about “old-born” and horror stories about unknown animals that appear at those who dare to get pregnant after thirty. Ask yourself what would you do if you could choose one thing. Travel or motherhood? Scientific activity or a large family? Prestigious position or a child? If you understand that you still want a child, then you are really ready to become a mother, and not intimidated by the fact that every second of delay is fraught with the danger of being childless.

To know the joys of motherhood

This is the most dangerous trap, because the joys of motherhood are pure fiction. The idea of what life with children looks like is 99% formed from sources that have nothing to do with reality: these are books, films and stories of other parents. Moreover, someone else's experience is the most dangerous landmark, because it looks like the most reliable source of information, but it is not. First, few people talk about the negative aspects of parenting. Secondly, all families and all children are different. If someone's daughter Mashenka sleeps all night, does not get sick, listens to her elders, at six she is already reading Salinger in the original, and at nineteen she works as a top manager at Google, this does not mean that you will have the same thing. Even your own childhood memories only reflect your vision of the situation. You may never know how often your mother

So that there was someone to give a glass of water in old age

Children are very often seen as a guarantee of a prosperous old age. It is quite simple to fight this stereotype – look around and count those who really bring this water: lives with their elderly parents, supports them, goes to doctors with them, is on duty in hospitals, regularly helps in everyday life. It turns out that there are very few of them (there are very few of them among men). If you are really worried about loneliness in old age, then it is easier and more reliable for eighteen years to save the money that goes to raising a child, and then, becoming an old woman, you can move to a very good nursing home – with a swimming pool and a helipad.

How to do it right: remember that having a baby is not a deal with service personnel. Your children will live their own lives – very likely very far away from you. For example, they can leave for another country and have time with a glass only for your funeral. Still convinced you want the Gippenreiter book and not the nursing home brochures? Then, perhaps, you can give birth.

To strengthen the family

There is no greater challenge for a family than having a child. Everything collapses: there is not enough time, money, the usual division of household duties must be revised, because now there are exactly twice as many of them. You find yourself almost completely dependent on your husband, and it is not a fact that he will not want to use the power that suddenly fell on him. It's one thing to go to the sea together and watch TV shows, it's another thing to stay awake at night and deny yourself everything: buying new things, going to the movies, meeting friends. Trust me, dealing with relationship problems during TV series is much easier.

Self-realization

We live in the 21st century, women fly into space, engage in science and art, heal and save lives, but there is still an opinion that true self-realization is motherhood, only in it you can become full, reveal all your facets and find wholeness. A woman can receive as many theater awards as she wants and save hundreds of people on the operating table, but they will still be sure to find out if she has children, and if they do not, she will be weighed and recognized as too easy to be considered a Real TM Woman. What can we say about ordinary women who do not save the starving in Africa, of the awards they have only a few medals from school Olympiads, and someone else's life was saved only once, by waking an alcoholic who fell asleep in the winter in the cold.

How to do it right: remember that it is not children that make a woman complete, and self-realization is not only and not so much motherhood. You cannot, while giving birth to a child, thereby try to drown out the feeling that you have not achieved much in life. But to raise a neurotic with this approach is very successful.

And with all the variety of reasons not to become a mother, there is only one reason to be one – this is the desire to have children. Conscious, taking into account all the risks, with the understanding that life will change forever, and it will be impossible to play back. With the ability to see the difference between your true desire and the fear of being alone, between “I want” and “everyone does it.” With a willingness to give a significant part of your life to another person, without any guarantees of return and gratitude. With the acceptance that you become more vulnerable, because the trouble with the child is one of the worst that can happen in the life of any person. And if all this does not frighten – a woman is really ready to be a mother and answer not only for herself. And everything else is a learned skill, for which there are books by Gippenreiter.

Things to do before you have a baby

Go on your dream vacation

Maybe it's a road trip in Mexico, or maybe two weeks on a tropical island. The details are not so important: if you want it, do it!

Enjoy passionate sex

Fulfill your fantasies, test the boundaries of the possible – in short, do everything that you cannot do when the child appears.

Be spontaneous

Plan on the run, not ahead of time! Take a trip, make a date, or host an impromptu party with friends.

Stay up all night (or maybe a few nights)

Talk, watch a movie, make love … Remember that with a child you will not sleep at night forcibly and certainly not for the sake of pleasure.

Move to another city

Or to another country! If you've always wanted to do this, now is the time. Just think – you can raise your unborn child in the city of your dreams, in the country of your dreams!

Do something extreme

The spectrum is wide – from rope jumping to swimming with sharks. Feel the adrenaline in your blood by doing something unforgettable!

Learn to cook

Cooking as a hobby will not only bring your couple closer, but it will also be a good investment in a healthy lifestyle and family budget. In addition, when you need to quickly prepare food for your child, there will be no time to study.

Go to a concert of your favorite singer or band

And let the music bring you closer!

Get in your car and head straight down the road in an unknown direction

Let your fantasies take you as far as they can!

Go to a mobile circus or open-air cinema

And then, and that is terribly romantic!

Facts to understand before having children

Raising a child is full of surprises. It doesn't matter how many books or children's forums you read, how many educational videos you watched, nothing will prepare you 100% for the appearance of a child in the family. But there are 10 fundamental things you need to know best before you become a new parent.

Having a baby is easy – only at first glance

Some breed like rabbits. Others do not succeed. Many people naively believe that you just want to have a baby, stop using contraception and bam! This will happen. In fact, it is not a faaact. After all, our body is not simple. If you are thinking about adding to the family and want to plan a pregnancy for a certain period of time, give yourself enough time and try not to worry throughout the entire period.

The first months are real torture

Perhaps the cries of babies are so annoying, their sleep is so light, and breastfeeding is so painful – just to strengthen the spirit of the parents. Because if you survive the first months of this crazy kids' camp without losing your mind, you are the heroes – you can handle anything.

This time is a living hell for those who love sleep, shower and comfort. It is useless to explain how difficult it is. It is impossible to describe what it is like to wake up for several months at night every two hours. Or trying to calm down an inconsolable screaming child. Or feel yourself in a body 3 sizes larger than usual (by the way, future dads get fat along with future mothers). Or feel uncomfortable for months or maybe even years.

All this chaos has its advantages. In particular, no matter how bad it is, you will overcome all difficulties. Just don't be afraid to ask for help, especially if you are suffering from postpartum.

The first months after the birth of a child is not only suffering and chaos. They are also amazing moments full of bliss and tenderness. After a while, you may even begin to feel sad about this pleasant period of your life and (oh, crazy people! 🙂 want to experience this torture again.

Forget about sleep. You will miss him

Whether it's a baby in your arms or a growing toddler, you will have trouble sleeping. Either nightmares, then the child sleeps between you. And how difficult it is to raise children in time to get to school … Well, and the like.

Watch your habits! If you are not ready to tolerate them right up to university, do not vaccinate them – for example, letting a child into your bed in the middle of the night.

Children's utensils and things: you don't need a lot of them

Baby strollers, car seats, playpens, swings, air mattresses, play mats, teething rings, bibs … it seems like kids need tons of gear. Dear life hackers, let me save your money! You and half of these things.

For some reason, many new parents believe that their child will certainly become bored, or that he needs constant stimulation of the brain. In reality, the infant sleeps most of the time; when he wakes up, screams to be fed, then falls asleep again after feeding. You don't need a lot of extra ways to keep it busy. For a small child, everything around is of interest.

As a rule, children tend to stop being interested in toys before you even have time to buy them. Isn't it easier to buy wooden cubes or make do-it-yourself trinkets from improvised means?

Likewise, there is no reason to buy so many baby clothes, at least new ones. On the one hand, relatives and friends love to give adorable outfits (who can resist buying tiny booties or caps ?!). On the other hand, children grow by leaps and bounds. Some things they do not have time to really vilify before they become small for them. Try to get the wardrobe items that wear out the fastest at sales or second-hand stores. The more your kids get dirty, the more often you will have to buy new things. But until there is a need to purchase new clothes, bypass the departments of children's utensils.

Children = a lot of unexpected expenses

Diapers are what you will constantly need in the first years of your baby's life. Mountains of diapers. This, of course, is not a secret to anyone. But chances are, you grossly underestimate how many of them you end up having to buy. So coupons, discounts, promotions on diapers will no longer seem so ridiculous and will be very useful to you.

Other unplanned expenses can come out of nowhere. For example, music lessons, babysitting services, out-of-town trips with a class, even medical expenses can be taken by surprise. But perhaps the biggest money sucker is kindergarten. He, of course, allows you to work at his job, but his content is sometimes so great, even get a second job!

Bottom line: Spend less money on clothes that wear out quickly anyway, and keep in mind unexpected (or unexpectedly high) child costs that can cost you a pretty penny.

Don't panic when your child is not reaching their generally accepted milestones.

The books write that all children should start walking by the age of one year, and if this does not happen, you need to see a doctor. In practice, some babies take their first steps only at the age of 16-17 months. And that's okay. If your child is one year old and he still does not walk, you naturally worry. Some babies wear diapers longer than others. Rough advice from strangers that it's time for the child to go to the pot on their own will drive you into panic even more.

Remember: each child develops according to his own internal schedule. It is quite possible that your baby will not start walking in any way because he uses energy for something else – learning to speak, for example. Do not rush your child, forcing him to talk, walk, run, read. Children are growing so fast. It is impossible to teach a child everything in one day. Better to wait until he or she is ready for this.

You won't regret taking too many baby photos or videos

In the early years, you will most likely be making videos with your baby all the time. Unfortunately, as children grow up, we begin to capture less of the pleasant moments of their lives. You will never regret taking too many photos or videos of your growing child. Moreover, it will always seem to you that you have missed something.

Getting out of the house somewhere is an adventure every time

When you become a parent, there are time shifts. What used to last 5 minutes (for example, how much you needed to get to the nearest store) will now take much longer. There are additional minutes to get ready, transport, pack drinks, food and diapers, install a child seat in the car and do many other things.

Eating out will be a completely new experience for you. Food falling to the floor, pencils rolling off the table, unfriendly visitors and waiters looking in your direction … Even if you manage to arrange something like a date with your other half, all this time you will most likely talk about the child or worry about him.

The subtleties of conception or conceiving a child

The main thing is to catch ovulation

The first thing is to determine the day when the egg matures, leaves the follicle and enters the fallopian tubes. This should be done because the egg cell lives only 12-24 hours and only during these hours the couple will be able to conceive a child.

On average, ovulation occurs somewhere on the 14-16th day of the menstrual cycle, but this is only if the cycle itself is regular and lasts from 28 to 30 days. However, the body of each woman is individual, which means that this can happen on the 10-12th day, and on the 18-19th day.

Often a woman herself understands that the “cherished” time has come. These days, a woman often complains of pain in the lower abdomen or in the ovaries, her breasts increase slightly and become painful, the nature of daily discharge changes, and libido increases.

It even happens that others notice that a woman is becoming more attractive.

If the ovulation period is asymptomatic, then special tests that are sold in every pharmacy will help to calculate the right time.

Have sex three times a week

There is a very popular myth among those who want to have a child that before trying to conceive, it is necessary to abstain as long as possible. Therefore, many couples, having calculated the day of ovulation, have sex only on that day.

On other days, when conception is unlikely, they conserve their strength, forgetting about the joys of sex. This is an extremely wrong position.

Sometimes it happens that ovulation occurs a little earlier or a little later than usual. For girls with an irregular cycle, it is almost impossible to calculate the exact day when ovulation will occur.

Therefore, having sex rarely, you just might not get there at the right time. In addition, if there has been no intimacy for a week or more, then this can negatively affect a man's fertility, since although there will be a sufficient amount of sperm, its quality will leave much to be desired.

On the other hand, it is possible to make the mistake of having sex every day. It is also bad for conception. The fact is that for the production of sperm capable of fertilization, the body needs about two days.

Therefore, according to doctors, the optimal regimen is sex at least three times a week. Such periodicity will help not to miss that period of time when pregnancy is possible, while maintaining male fertility at the desired level.

Better sex before ovulation, not after

It is so laid down by nature that a woman is capable of conceiving only 24 hours a month. This is how much the egg lives after ovulation. Male sperm are more tenacious. Their life expectancy in the female body is about five days. Therefore, to increase the likelihood of pregnancy, it is best to have sex 1-2 days before the expected ovulation occurs. Then, at the moment the egg enters the tubes, spermatozoa will already “wait” for it.

Sex should be fun

For many couples who have long and unsuccessfully tried to give birth to an heir, sex ceases to be a pleasure and becomes a necessity.

Intimacy occurs mechanically, without additional caresses and foreplay, and often without much joy. However, numerous experiments have shown that the chances of getting pregnant are directly proportional to the excitement of both partners.

The same goes for orgasms. Scientists have shown that couples who have more orgasms are more successful in conception.

Don't get hung up on the desire to get pregnant

More and more often you can come across such a concept as “psychological infertility”. Its essence is that couples (especially women), after long attempts, become obsessed with the desire to have a child.

All days pass in the calculation of ovulation, bad mood due to the onset of menstruation, and all conversations come down to monologues about pregnancy. All this leads to nervous tension and stress, which, in turn, negatively affects the ability to conceive.

Is posture important

The best position for couples who want to have a child is considered to be a banal missionary position. The fact is that it is in this position that sperm does not flow out, but goes directly to the cervix.

Additionally, you may be advised to put a pillow under the buttocks. So the probability of hitting will increase. Moreover, most of the sperm is in the first portion of the ejaculate. The most unsuccessful postures for conception are a woman on top or standing. In such positions, almost all sperm flows out.

Another popular method for getting pregnant sooner is to lie in the “birch” position for 30 minutes. The effectiveness of this method has not been scientifically proven, but on the other hand, it certainly will not be worse from it.

However, if you consider everything from a medical point of view, it turns out that the posture is not so important. The fact is that sperm cells have special “tails” with which they move.

It is with their help that they end up in the egg after they enter the vagina. So in any position, the sperm will be able to get to the egg. The only thing you need to pay attention to is the structural features of the uterus and various diseases of the female organs, in which the posture really matters.

Be careful with oral sex

Numerous studies have shown that saliva, acting as a spermicide, negatively affects sperm quality.

Careful with sports

Excessive physical activity can prevent you from getting pregnant. The body is busy building muscle, it has no time for pregnancy. In addition, physical activity causes tension in the muscles of the uterus, and it begins to contract more actively.

This can, on the one hand, prevent the sperm from reaching the target, and on the other hand, prevents the fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus.

So, doctors recommend reducing the load at least a couple of months before the intended conception. You should be especially careful with exercises aimed at the abdominal muscles.

Stop dieting

An unbalanced diet has an extremely negative effect on the ability to conceive. Insufficient amount of food, lack of many vitamins and minerals can lead to lack of ovulation, and later to infertility.

Therefore, a few months before conception, it is best to forget about dieting and start eating right.

Vitamins to help

A modern person, even a perfectly healthy person, quite often lacks vitamins to enrich the body. Therefore, women who want to get pregnant the first time are advised to start taking folic acid approximately 2-3 months before the planned conception.

Men also fall under the “distribution”. They are also encouraged to take folic acid. Once a day, 1 tablet. Additionally, you can start using drugs to improve the quality of sperm. For example, “SpermActive” or “Spermaktin”. You can buy these products over the counter without a prescription. It is not prohibited to use them without consulting a doctor, but it is not recommended.

Conclusion: Children did not ask them to give birth

The child thinks how to continue to live

Perhaps you already have children, and they never asked you why you gave birth to them. Yes, therefore, they did not ask that asking is a taboo! Parents are sacred, they gave life to the child! In an unpaid debt! This unhealthy idea is passed down from generation to generation.

Realize here and now that your children did not ask you for a “service rendered to them” to be born into the world. And the fact that you have given them everything they need (if at all) does not give them any debt to you. It was your decision, and you are responsible for it. The child does not have to live up to your expectations and be grateful to you, even if you gave him everything he could need. Because to live is to be in need! And to live or not – you chose for them.

If you don't have children yet, then take a look around. Can you give your child everything? Can you give it to yourself? If you are wealthy and live in a land of non-existent problems, you can take the risk. Otherwise, think carefully and do not follow the lead of emotions, public opinion or stupidity. With all the misconceptions and selfish motives aside, what are the reasons for having a child? Perhaps it is worth choosing another meaning of life from the great many available, without condemning one more life to wandering?

Sources used and useful links on the topic: https://www.cosmo.ru/health/pregnancy/kogda-rozhat-uchenye-nazvali-idealnyy-vozrast-dlya-poyavleniya-detey/ https://sobesednik.ru/psychology/ 20130421-5-sovetov-stoit-li-zavodit-rebenka https://bewoman.club/kogda-zavodit-rebenka/ https://gubdaily.ru/lifestyle/interesnoe/okej-gugl/v-kakom-vozraste-zhenshhine -luchshe-zavodit-rebenka-i-pravda-li-chto-posle-30-uzhe-pozdno / https://www.cosmo.ru/lifestyle/society/pochemu-ne-stoit-zavodit-rebenka-obyasnyaet-ekaterina -popova / https://fishki.net/1982028-21-vew-kotoruju-nuzhno-uspet-sdelat-do-togo-kak-vy-zaveli-rebenka.html https://www.BabyBlog.ru/user/ id1251049 / 34005 https://camalady.ru/vse-o-beremennosti/tonkosti-zachatiya/ https://FB.ru/article/270088/kak-pravilno-zachat-rebenka-s-pervogo-raza-effektivnyie-metodyi-sposobyi-i-rekomendatsii https://zen.yandex.com/media/vlada/pochemu -ne-nujno-zavodit-detei-razbor-i-kritika-motivov-rojdeniia-rebenka-5ce6a0b4c64ffc00b23fea9f

Post source: lastici.ru