He won't be offended, and you won't feel terrible. They asked the psychologist how not to cause moral injury to both themselves and their partner.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Scientists have long proven that men are able to experience sexual arousal more often than girls. Therefore, the sexual topic is a frequent cause for disagreement, especially if you are not together. You don't want to agree, it\u2019s uncomfortable and embarrassing to refuse. Psychologist Elena Druma says that many girls agree to have sex against their will, because they don\u2019t want to change. But this position is wrong – you can\u2019t force yourself, especially when it comes to such a delicate topic. In a couple, everything should be by mutual agreement, even if you don\u2019t have such a relationship right now. It is possible to convey to a partner that you are not ready and do not want to, without spoiling the relationship. The main thing in this situation is tact. Each of us has our own psychological boundaries, the space that we consider personal and are ready to protect. Depending on the degree of closeness with a particular person, we let him into our boundaries. From this point of view, any question related to your psychological boundaries can be regarded as an invasion of personal space.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we are so afraid of being tactless, so worried that it can be misinterpreted, that we forget about our own comfort. And again, our psychological boundaries will be violated, but at our will, because we are ashamed to seem tactless. Sex and sexual relations imply a fairly high degree of intimacy, at least on the physical plane, and, accordingly, if the partner insists on sex at that moment when you are not ready, he also violates your boundaries. But he may not know about it until you tell him about it.<\/p>\n
All people deserve respect and care for their desires, and sex is that part of our life that must be enjoyed by all participants in the process. Otherwise, the meaning is lost. If your partner appreciates you and respects your desires, he will not enjoy your intimacy through force. If he doesn\u2019t care and he still insists, this is a serious reason to think. Be aware of your partner\u2019s feelings and inform him of your refusal through “I-messages" For example, “I don\u2019t want to have sex today” instead of “I\u2019m tired of you, I don\u2019t want to answer you, go away.” Instead of “I don\u2019t like you, I don\u2019t want you” – “I\u2019m not ready now.” If you don\u2019t like the guy\u2019s specific actions and you don\u2019t want him for this reason, tell him directly what\u2019s wrong. The attitude to the situation will change on both sides.<\/p>\n
This is better and more effective than simply refusing without explanation. If you don\u2019t say why you don\u2019t want to, the partner will think of it himself (and find the problem in himself). This will spoil the relationship, lead to resentment and complexes. Speak – this is a good opportunity to clarify all the understatement, resentment, disagreement and take the relationship to a new level.<\/p>\n
If you are in a relationship and you constantly do not want him, think about the reason for the lack of desire. Maybe your relationship has outlived its usefulness, and you do not want closeness with this particular partner. Then the question for discussion will be completely different. Everyone determines the form of tact in relationships independently. The main thing is that the conversation should lead to a clarification of the situation and not hurt the partner's feelings. In any case, the lack of sexual desire is not a reason to hush up the situation. Speak your feelings, feelings with a partner, then the relationship will be trusting and strong.<\/p>\n