The question "Am I okay if I don't want sex?" is in the top most frequently asked questions to a sexologist. Together with the psychologist-sexologist Katerina Dyachkova and the Alter psychologist selection service, we figure out what is normal and what is not.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Not wanting sex for a person is quite normal. The fact is that two entities are responsible for sexual desire in our body: the sexual constitution and libido. In a dry language, the sexual constitution (PC) is the ability to experience a certain number of orgasms in a certain period of time. There are weak, medium and high types of PC. Why does someone have a high PC, and someone has a low one? Genetics is to blame, there's nothing to fix. Neither your intellect, nor love for a partner or the weather outside the window affects your sexual temperament – this is an innate quality, so do not try to remake yourself.<\/p>\n
Often we directly associate love with sex – this is an erroneous belief that only spoils life. It may turn out that one of the partners has a weak sexual constitution, and the other has a strong one, but this does not make someone worse or better. If sex is not the only thing that unites you, then you can find a way out of any situation.<\/p>\n
But libido is a changeable unit. It is responsible for attraction right now. It is influenced by these factors.<\/p>\n
The modern world requires us to be mobile, flexible and live at high speeds. Now imagine a bunny that has been running away from a wolf all day: defending a project, answering 20 work chats at the same time, driving through traffic jams for an hour and a half to get to work. What does the bunny want when it reaches the hole at the edge of the forest? Fall, catch your breath and sleep, and not exchange energy in the process of intense physical interaction with a partner. Allow yourself to notice that you are tired, to rest when required. Sex can wait.<\/p>\n
Each person is unique, and our reactions are always individual. For some, antidepressants can completely suppress libido, while for others they do not have such an effect. If you've been hit by depression, just accept that your sexual desire is now controlled by neurotransmitters (the chemicals that neurons use to communicate with each other) and not by your will or your partner's.<\/p>\n
Childbirth, menopause, oral contraceptives, the second half of the menstrual cycle – our endocrine glands are only interested in regulating body functions and do not pay attention to the fact that we have planned a romantic evening. For example, estrogen, whose content is highest during ovulation, affects blood flow in the pelvic organs and the sensitivity of erogenous zones. In the luteal (third and last) phase of the menstrual cycle, its content decreases, which also affects the woman's bodily reactions.<\/p>\n
One of the most insidious factors. At the beginning of the evening, a glass of wine dilates blood vessels, leads to rapid blood filling of the pelvic organs and excitation. After an increase in the amount of ethyl alcohol in the body, the opposite situation occurs – vasoconstriction, outflow of blood and impaired hydration of the mucous membranes.<\/p>\n
We tend to underestimate the importance of this item, but female sexual desire is a very complex construct. Arousal is influenced by dozens of factors at the same time. Resentment or disappointment that has not been worked out and regulated is a powerful blocker of sexual desires.<\/p>\n
Many couples living together for several years gradually get used to a certain behavior in bed and no longer deviate from it. If sexual interaction goes according to one scenario and you already know every movement of the partner, then the libido begins to fall asleep.<\/p>\n
In our culture, sex has historically been seen as a male domain. Female pleasure was taboo, the number of sexual partners more than one was the subject of social censure. The common parental phrase “if you bring it in a hem, I'll kill you," led to the fact that sex for many women began to be associated with something potentially dangerous. Such attitudes regarding the role of women in sex (or sex itself) very quickly suppress any bursts of desire. Fortunately, our brains are neuroplastic and changeable, and psychotherapy helps to get rid of these kinds of beliefs.<\/p>\n
It is important to remember that sexual desire has no norm. It is influenced by physiology, mental state, features of growing up, relationships with oneself and with a partner \/ partner, age, phase of the cycle, troubles at work, and even an outstanding loan. Allowing yourself not to want sex and calmly deal with the current situation is normal.<\/p>\n
Everything that happens to you is the state of your body and mind at the moment. It is very important not to force yourself to have sexual intercourse, because unwanted touches will act even more depressingly. Tell your partner or partner honestly about what is happening – many perceive a silent refusal quite painfully. If you do not see an objective reason for a decrease in libido, then it is perfectly normal to turn to a sexologist. If you want to awaken the libido – this is sure to work.<\/p>\n